Last night we sat to talk with our son about the fear we have over his life if he continues on the same path we once walked.

We spoke about respect, honor, obedience, future.
Almost every thing we said there was an argument back. We listened as he shared his hurt toward us.  The way he "feels" we feel about him.

Gut wrenching.  

I am still a bit wrecked this morning.

At one point I wanted to try to get across to him that if me "a simple woman" can feel this grief, heartbroken...{then the tears came...chocked to the point of not being able to speak} I wanted to say I can not imagine what a Holy God feels like.

It ended well.  There was love, hurt, and understanding on all sides. 

As he left the house I was grateful to be able to sink into my husbands chest and cry the ugly cry. 

So, I went to my room and read My Utmost for His Highest..It was about "The Nature of Reconciliation."  Two of the things that stuck out to me said...
Sin is a fundamental relationship— it is not wrong doing, but wrong being— it is deliberate and determined independence from God.
A man cannot redeem himself— redemption is the work of God, and is absolutely finished and complete. And its application to individual people is a matter of their own individual action or response to it. A distinction must always be made between the revealed truth of redemption and the actual conscious experience of salvation in a person’s life.

Then I listen to some praise music from that morning.  We went to two churches and heard it at both.  In case you need to praise:

I stayed thinking on the thought...what about God? How must He feel? How does He deal with the weight of the population of eternity turning aside, pushing away, blaming Him...Oh, how my hurt was minimized by that fact.

This morning

We spent the morning praying for ourselves. We need to be the love that we need him to find.

{I smile now} because HE SEES IT ALL, KNOWS ALL!  I am grateful that my God is NOT human!

This mornings devotional, as it tends to be, was just what I needed.
My Utmost for His Highest~Oswald Chambers
Come to Me . . . —Matthew 11:28
Isn’t it humiliating to be told that we must come to Jesus! Think of the things about which we will not come to Jesus Christ. If you want to know how real you are, test yourself by these words— “Come to Me . . . .” In every dimension in which you are not real, you will argue or evade the issue altogether rather than come; you will go through sorrow rather than come; and you will do anything rather than come the last lap of the race of seemingly unspeakable foolishness and say, “Just as I am, I come.” As long as you have even the least bit of spiritual disrespect, it will always reveal itself in the fact that you are expecting God to tell you to do something very big, and yet all He is telling you to do is to “Come . . . .”
“Come to Me . . . .” When you hear those words, you will know that something must happen in you before you can come. The Holy Spirit will show you what you have to do, and it will involve anything that will uproot whatever is preventing you from getting through to Jesus. And you will never get any further until you are willing to do that very thing. The Holy Spirit will search out that one immovable stronghold within you, but He cannot budge it unless you are willing to let Him do so.
How often have you come to God with your requests and gone away thinking, “I’ve really received what I wanted this time!” And yet you go away with nothing, while all the time God has stood with His hands outstretched not only to take you but also for you to take Him. Just think of the invincible, unconquerable, and untiring patience of Jesus, who lovingly says, “Come to Me. . . .”

We are praying for courage, strength and wisdom.  It was a challenge from the pastor at a church we have been visiting. As we were on our way home yesterday morning we were talking about our son. I was explaining that I have a "peace" not a peace that everything is going to be okay.  However, a peace that I have to let what is going to happen...happen.  It is an unsettling peace.  I feel like I want to DO something.  Make something happen. Demand my own way.  However, our son must come to a place where he comes to need God. Right now he is not worshiping the God of his father (read about what can happen here), and that is some scary stuff.  I know that I can trust my God. He is faithful!
I explained in this posts a few months ago about the peace

Sorry about the odd ending...but I have run out of time...and blogger is messing up and will only let me add stuff in HTML...and well, I don't really know how to do that :)
***Update: Just got done spending 1 1/2 hours sharing testimonies and talking with my son about the gospel. This morning he is "different" meaning he is sensitive, honoring, respectful and desiring to spend time together. Halleluiah!


Miss Janet said...

Hallelujah! God is so good to His girls... and His boys.

:) Love,