James: Mercy Triumphs

I am not sure about you, but for me, I have not felt like I am who I am lately.

Reading that last sentence to check for punctuation, I was struck by I AM WHO I AM.

I Am that I Am (Hebrew: אֶהְיֶה אֲשֶׁר אֶהְיֶה‎, pronounced Ehyeh asher ehyeh [ʔehˈje ʔaˈʃer ʔehˈje]) is a common English translation (JPS among others) of the response God used in the Hebrew Bible when Moses asked for his name (Exodus 3:14). It is one of the most famous verses in the Torah. Hayah means "existed" or "was" in Hebrew; "ehyeh" is the first person singular imperfect form and is usually translated in English Bibles as "I will be" (or "I shall be"), for example, at Exodus 3:12. Ehyeh asher ehyeh is generally interpreted to mean I am that I am, though it can also be translated as "I-shall-be that I-shall-be."^[1]
In revealing his mysterious name, YHWH ("I AM HE WHO IS", "I AM WHO AM" or "I AM WHO I AM"), God says who he is and by what name he is to be called. This divine name is mysterious just as God is mystery. It is at once a name revealed and something like the refusal of a name, and hence it better expresses God as what he is - infinitely above everything that we can understand or say: he is the "hidden God", his name is ineffable, and he is the God who makes himself close to men.

 In writing the first sentence...I didn't mean it like that but I do NOW :) Sort of.

See, I have been wrestling the with Lord, with myself.  I still am actually. 

I am not happy with so many things write now.  Most are things I can't really do anything about, but some ARE things I can do something about and I have just chosen not to for so long it's hard to know how to start again.

Well I have started a study with a group of ladies and I am so excited. 

I use this blog, one as a means of telling others about what's going on, secondly as a way that others will know what happened in my life after the fact, {whipering}when I am d-e-a-d. 



So, it's important to me to tell the story.

So, I have a junk email. It was my original email that turned into junk form giving out the address so many times.  Now it has over 9, 000 (I checked to make sure I wasn't exaggerating).  I occasionally go into that box to look for an expected email...well one day I saw the unexpected email. While the Vatican would not constitute this a miracle--it was of sorts.  LOL! 

In an email---I had been invited to join a group of ladies in the Beth Moore bible study of James. 

Every time something HUGE has happened in my life, it can be linked in some way to a season of deep intense bible study.  It is not anything magical. It's biblical.

Fast Forward...So I am going through the study. Committed to be ready for the Lord to speak to me. Though I wasn't sure if He would [wink, wink].

It happened 1-22-12, Week 2 Day 2 of the study.  The Lord knows I love patterns ;)

While I will not bore you with all the specifics I will say it was like everything I studied I would write notes in the margin and then the notes I wrote would tie right in to the very next thing she would teach.  Maybe it's just coincidence but the Lord uses coincidence ;)

One thing I wrote was: "Oh Lord I am so thankful that you take the time, when I am flailing like a two year old not wiling to make eye contact, and steady my head, lift it and force me to look at you face." 

Then the next sentence said-I do not lie- "You are gazing in the face of a solid-gold assurance" pg. 50


Ok I realized upon reading--it doesn't sound near as exciting because that moment had been building up and it was MY moment....but I had to tell you about it.

This short update has become wordy and I must get on with my day.  However, if you are looking for something juicy and good!  Try this study!

Here is a link with a video, and sample texts:
http://www.lifeway.com/James-Mercy-Triumphs/c/N-1z10gpu

I also am going to facilitate this study in my home on Tuesday nights beginning in February. 

Please pray. Thank you so much!

I am feeling much more like I am ;)

Clear the Stage!

Last post September 15...REALLY!  SEPT-EM-BER?

Indicative of the last season of my life.

A season in the shadowy places of sin.

A season of things left undone.  Too many things UNDONE!

A season that will end and be birthed into the BEAUTY of Spring and NEW LIFE!

Last Thursday...this made me WEEP!

Psalm 6 (New Living Translation)

For the choir director: A psalm of David, to be accompanied by an eight-stringed instrument.

 ¹ O Lord, don’t rebuke me in your anger
      or discipline me in your rage.
 ² Have compassion on me, Lord, for I am weak.
      Heal me, Lord, for my bones are in agony.
 ³ I am sick at heart.
      How long, O Lord, until you restore me? ⁴ Return, O Lord, and rescue me.
      Save me because of your unfailing love.
 ⁵ For the dead do not remember you.
      Who can praise you from the grave?
 ⁶ I am worn out from sobbing.
      All night I flood my bed with weeping,
      drenching it with my tears.
 ⁷ My vision is blurred by grief;
      my eyes are worn out because of all my enemies.
 ⁸ Go away, all you who do evil,
      for the Lord has heard my weeping.
 ⁹ The Lord has heard my plea;
      the Lord will answer my prayer.
 ¹⁰ May all my enemies be disgraced and terrified.
      May they suddenly turn back in shame.

I love that scripture meets me where I am.  That someone, a sinner like me, can so completely sum up how I feel. 

Scripture is that healing ointment I spread over the hurting places.  

We are about to the most difficult season of our life. Ever. ...and that is saying a LOT! I am expecting miracles. I am expecting tears. I am expecting to want to quit! Turn back! Run...I was contemplating escape yesterday. 

...And so I ask you, if you love us, to PRAY! God knows. 


Here is a song that I was talking about this week at Zero Hour, our youth program at church.  It's a beautiful, tough, song. Enjoy!

Ross King "Clear the Stage"

Lyrics are in the video...but in case you aren't sure you want to take the time to watch....here's a TASTE:

"Take a break from all the plans that you made
And sit at home alone and wait for God to whisper.
Beg Him please to open up his mouth and speak
And pray for real upon your knees until they blister.
Shine the light on every corner of your life
Until the pride and lust and lies are in the open.
Then read the word and put to test the things you've heard
Until your heart and soul are stirred and rocked and broken."

Crazy Love!

I have heard about it...

I have had a desire to read it...

For months...

Now a great friend of mine, Jim,  is doing a "Virtual Seminar" and invited me to join. 

Woo Hoo! 

If you want in we are starting today.  The BLOG is HERE: http://crazylove2010.wordpress.com/

You have assignments that you have one week to finish.  This will include reading, watching videos, and the responding to questions via the blog. 

I am excited if you can't tell!

Join us if you like! 

Radical?

In this great big bloggy world I am thankful for those that make me DIG Deeper! Reach farther! and increase my desire to CHANGE MY LIFE.  Melanie @ Waking Giants is one of those ladies! 

What will you give up?

Everything?

If you have considered what God wants from you then you just might be ready to get RADICAL!

I am not sure if you have ever "listened" to or watched a sermon online; but I HIGHLY recommend this series!


http://www.brookhills.org/media/series/radical

I have only listened to the FIRST series WHAT THE GOSPEL DEMANDS

I plan to in the coming weeks to listen to them all!  I wanted to pass it along in case you were ready to get RADICAL too!

"JESUS is the goal!  Sacrifice no longer seems like sacrifice in light of Christ." Amazing stuff!


Notes from the site regarding this sermon:
_____________________________________________________

RADICAL: What the Gospel Demands
Luke 14:33

The All-Important Question...
 
Do we believe this Book?

Do we believe what this Book says about the church?

Luke 9:57-62...


Will we choose comfort or a cross?

Will we choose maintenance or mission?

Will we choose indecisive minds or undivided hearts ?

Do we believe what this Book says about the lost?

2 Thessalonians 1:7 - “This will happen when the Lord Jesus is revealed from heaven
in blazing fire with his powerful angels. He will punish those who do not know God and
do not obey the gospel of our Lord Jesus. They will be punished with everlasting
destruction and shut out from the presence of the Lord and from the majesty of his
power.”

Revelation 20:15 - "If anyone's name was not found written in the book of life, he was thrown into the lake of fire."

Over 4.5 billion people (including hundreds of thousands in metro Birmingham) today on a road that leads to eternal hell.

Will we choose indecisive minds or undivided hearts ?

Do we believe what this Book says about the poor?

Today, over a billion people live (and die) in desperate poverty (less than a dollar a day).

Close to two billion others live on less than two dollars a day.

30,000 children today will breathe their last breath due to either starvation or a preventable disease.

We are not inconvenienced by this extreme poverty because those stricken by it are not only poor... they are powerless.

Literally millions of them are quietly dying in relative obscurity and we can comfortably ignore them in our affluence, pretending like they don’t even exist.

Meanwhile, they do exist, and God measures the integrity of our faith by our concern for the poor.

On a more serious note, Jesus tells those with abundance that if they do not feed the hungry and clothe the naked, they go to hell.

Proverbs 14:31 - “Those who oppress the poor insult their Maker.”

Proverbs 21:13 - “If a man shuts his ears to the cry of the poor, he too will cry out and not be answered..”

Proverbs 28:27 - “He who gives to the poor will lack nothing, but he who closes his
eyes to them receives many curses.”

Luke 6:20-25 - “Blessed are you poor, for yours is the kingdom of God. Blessed are you that hunger now, for you shall be satisfied... Woe to you that are rich, for you have received your consolation. Woe to you that are full now, for you shall hunger.”

James 5:1 - “Come now, you rich, weep and howl for the miseries that are coming upon you.”

Matthew 19:21-23 - “Jesus answered, ‘If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.’ When the young man heard this, he went away sad, because he had great wealth. Then Jesus said to His disciples, ‘I tell you the truth, it is hard for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven’.”

Matthew 25:41 - To those who do not feed the hungry and clothe the naked, Jesus says, “Depart from me, you cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels.”

The Necessary Conclusion...
It is time to get RADICAL.


Below are the questions that the pastor leads his congregation to personally answer-I have printed them here for you to consider.  


We begin by opening our Bibles to Luke 14. Imagine being in the crowd of people following Jesus
as we read Luke 14:25-35. Then write out your answers to the questions below.

If you were in that crowd and you heard these words, what would be your initial reaction?

According to this passage, what does it cost to follow Jesus?

Practically, what is it costing you to follow Jesus?

Would you describe your obedience to Jesus as radical? Why or why not?

How do you think your obedience to Jesus needs to be more radical?

Next, we turn to Matthew 9. Imagine the countenance and demeanor of Jesus as we read Matthew 9:35-38. Then reflect on these verses and write out your answers to the questions below.

Describe in your own words why you believe Jesus had such compassion for the people around Him. How do you think this compassion was evident in the way He lived?

Why do you think Jesus pleaded with his disciples to go into the harvest field?

When Jesus talked about the harvest field, He was referring to imagery of judgment. He knew that apart from trusting in Him, the people around Him stood under the eternal judgment of God. Do you believe that the people around you who do not trust in Jesus stand under the eternal judgment of God? What emotions does that incite in you?

If you believe that people without Christ are currently under the judgment of God and will one day be separated from His love forever, how does this change the way you live everyday?

Would you say that your life is marked by radical compassion for the lost? Why or why not?

How do you think radical compassion for the lost can become a reality in your life?

Finally, we turn to Luke 18. Imagine yourself in the shoes of the rich young man as we read Luke 18:18-30. Then write out your answers to the following questions.

Do you think this man really wanted to follow Jesus? Why or why not?

Do you think Jesus was literally telling this man to sell all he had and give it to the poor?

Do you think Jesus would say the same thing to you today if you were to see Him? Why or why not? If He were to say these words to you today, how do you think you would respond?

Why do you think it is hard for the rich to enter the kingdom of God?

Why do you think Jesus takes such a radical stance on riches in relation to poverty?

Do you think Jesus’ words, if taken seriously, would have a radical effect on your life? What would
that effect look like?

Do you think Jesus’ words, if taken seriously, would have a radical effect on our church? What would
that effect look like?
________________________________________________________________

The image above is from FEARLESS THREADS! Wear it! Declare it! Start a revolution!

The Cost

Yesterday the PRAYER CALL was amazing!  I tell you there is nothing like "not knowing" people but all crying out the the same LORD!  It was powerful.  I cried many times.  Thank God for mute!  I would tell you all about it, but it wouldn't do it justice.  Hearing those that are my bloggy sisters was the best part.  Just the heart of familiar momma's crying out to God!  The unfamiliar voices blessed me just as much.  Male and female. Crying out for justice. 

 

Here is the latest update from Amy:  Progress & Thanks 

 

and I wanted to share this devotion today.  It meant so much to me and made me really think about COST!

February 8, 2010

The Cost of Sanctification

ODB RADIO:  |  Download
READ:

May the God of peace Himself sanctify you completely . . . —1 Thessalonians 5:23

 

When we pray, asking God to sanctify us, are we prepared to measure up to what that really means? We take the word sanctification much too lightly. Are we prepared to pay the cost of sanctification? The cost will be a deep restriction of all our earthly concerns, and an extensive cultivation of all our godly concerns. Sanctification means to be intensely focused on God’s point of view. It means to secure and to keep all the strength of our body, soul, and spirit for God’s purpose alone. Are we really prepared for God to perform in us everything for which He separated us? And after He has done His work, are we then prepared to separate ourselves to God just as Jesus did? "For their sakes I sanctify Myself . . ." ( John 17:19 ). The reason some of us have not entered into the experience of sanctification is that we have not realized the meaning of sanctification from God’s perspective. Sanctification means being made one with Jesus so that the nature that controlled Him will control us. Are we really prepared for what that will cost? It will cost absolutely everything in us which is not of God.

Are we prepared to be caught up into the full meaning of Paul’s prayer in this verse? Are we prepared to say, "Lord, make me, a sinner saved by grace, as holy as You can"? Jesus prayed that we might be one with Him, just as He is one with the Father (see John 17:21-23 ). The resounding evidence of the Holy Spirit in a person’s life is the unmistakable family likeness to Jesus Christ, and the freedom from everything which is not like Him. Are we prepared to set ourselves apart for the Holy Spirit’s work in us?

From:

http://www.rbc.org/devotionals/my-utmost-for-his-highest/02/08/devotion.aspx?year=2010

 This made me reflect on the families adopting from Uganda that I know are effected. I think overwhelmingly as I read the blog I feel that this is the case.  They are willing to do whatever for God's purpose. 

What about me?

you?



 

Blessed are the merciful, For they shall obtain mercy

Debby @ Heavenly Humor posted this that started it.... Mercy vs Sacrifice

and she sent me to read what Divine Mrs. D thought... I Desire Mercy not Sacrifice (read the comments too)

and guess what... LAST NIGHT I DREAMED ABOUT IT! 

Yep! Thanks Debby :))  I love you lady!

I dreamed we were at a restaurant that was obviously familiar to many of us.  There were people from my past, close friends, people I don't know so well, people I didn't know, just all kinds of people gathered around the table discussing MERCY VERSUS SACRIFICE! We had to keep adding tables as our party grew. It was neat. 

[Jesus said,] "Go and learn what this means, 'I desire mercy, not sacrifice.' For I have come to call not the righteous but sinners." -- Matthew 9:13 

[Jesus said,] "But if you had known what this means, 'I desire mercy and not sacrifice,' you would not have condemned the guiltless." -- Matthew 12:7 

Here are a few articles I have looked at  skimmed--I am going to read them more at length throughout the day and weekend.  I put something that stood out in each to me so give you a taste. 


http://www.gospeltruth.net/1858OE/580818_merciful_blessed.htm

"It is by his manifested love that God overcomes the hearts of his enemies. Revealing his great love, he subdues their hearts and brings them under this love-power; and then, though they deserve to be banished forever, he rejoices over them as one who has found great spoil. As when the prodigal son returned, famished and filthy, but penitent, the father is seen rushing forth to meet him, his heart running over with joy.

If we may judge of the happiness of heaven from our own exercises, we must conclude that God's most intense happiness is found in the exercise of mercy, and that this is his highest form of virtue. The exercise of mercy has always been with him a present intention, and in this sense, a present reality."

http://pjmiller.wordpress.com/2008/11/28/the-better-way-blessed-are-the-merciful/

"Yet there is a price on the human side — our side — of God’s mercy. What is the cost to us? It is the high cost of becoming a true witness to the power of the mercy we have received. The fact is, offering the same mercy that has been given to us will cost us dearly here on earth. It is a cost we can expect to pay in our everyday life. "

http://www.southsidechurchofchrist.com/mp3-sermons/blessed-are-the-merciful-part-2.html

"Conclusion: It is mercy that I need most; It is mercy that I have received the most.  The mercy of God has implications for me. The mercy of God demands a priority that I cannot ignore or distort..

• Whenever I begin to address the sin or weakness of another; whenever I am compelled to act in discipline toward others; Whenever my knowledge puts me in the place of judgment; I must first desire to extend mercy, because mercy is the first desire of God. Jesus says “go and learn what this means”

So, I sit here this morning thinking about being MERCIFUL! Confounded by the MERCY of GOD!

Rejoicing because I have also been called to consider SACRIFICE.

So, Let's gather around the table and share.  Do you have any thoughts or things to add?

Passover & Firstfruits (& homework for you)

**Update the link about Easter (hope-of-Isreal) has a few "off" things that don't sit well with me. But it is still a launching point for more research so I am leaving it up-but wanted to add my commentary ;)

This past weekend was filled with celebration and love. I wish I had a million pictures to capture the moments. But, I don't. Here is one though. The children (and a few teen substitutes) are being the "10 plagues of Egypt". It was great! Just a small part of the overall evening, but amazing. The children acting out there part and overall just being TOO CUTE was great!

To celebrate Passover we got together with several other Christian families to teach our children about the Passover and God's traditions that are timeless and to be celebrated forever.

"So you shall observe the Feast of Unleavened Bread, for on this same day I will have brought your armies out of the land of Egypt. Therefore you shall observe this day throughout your generations as an everlasting ordinance." Exodus 12:17

EVERLASTING ORDINANCE sounds pretty official to me. Many other traditions have squeezed out some of the important traditions we should be teaching our children. I am thankful God has brought this truth to light before it is too late. Sharing this time with my older children now and grand children to come (someday) brings my heart delight!

I promise you, if you dare to look into it you will be SHOCKED about the origins of "Easter". I am still in the early stages but I am already reeling. I found this site today: http://www.hope-of-israel.org/easterfr.htm if you dare (not endorsing this site-just saying there is this and more out there). Now, I WILL say this. God knows the desire (and intent) of our hearts. I think that as we seek, God will show us the way. So if you hunt eggs, call it Easter, celebrate with rabbits everywhere I will not fall in line, but I will not condemn you either, because I was there.

We decorated for the party, put red ribbon around our door to symbolize the blood, checked for leaven in our home (a lesson on sin and how the Father removes it), were taught history, sang praise songs, ate, did the Lord's Supper and SO much more! I am looking forward to making this time the biggest holiday of our year. It is so full of teaching and lessons that benefit your entire year.

and FIRSTFRUIT's oh! wow! http://www.biblestudy101.org/proph/feasts3.html check this out! Resurrection Sunday is the Festival of Firstfruit's! One and the same-since the foundations this was God's plan... how crazy and miraculous is that!

**I have been interrupted and have to home school and have about a million (slight exaggeration) things to do, so I am moving on. So if this is left lacking... I am sorry. I need to remember to tell you all about my trip to Lifeway Christian Store looking for a book on biblical holidays. Great fun, and fruitless I tell you! Sad!

Two books we used in our preparations:

Christian Celebrations For Passover by John D. Garr
http://www.amazon.com/Christian-Celebrations-Passover-John-Garr/dp/0967827930

A Family Guide to the Biblical Holidays by Robin Sampson

http://biblicalholidays.com/

Transformed by Beholding

We all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image . . . —2 Corinthians 3:18

WHAT! I behold God and become transformed into His likeness... others behold me, they see God and begin to behold God and are transformed and so on... I better get to beholdin'!

This blew me over today because as I have spent a bit of time looking back over my journal I see that I have been punishing myself for thinking I am not doing right things or not doing all things in the right way and have just felt like I was "missing God". I let seemingly good motives tarnish my mirror. All I have to do is BEHOLD Him (and His glory that is abundant!) and I will be transformed, not the other way around. Not the first I have heard this or understood this but somehow it is different today...

I feel as though I have been playing a game with others and we have all been playing for years and all of the sudden (though not really suddenly) I "get" the rules. They are NOT the rules I was playing by, even though my actions and moves would have looked that way. I may have been still performing good in the game and doing well but I was MISSING "it!" I still feel all that playing was a good thing and now knowing the rules may make it more easily complicated! Mostly because of improperly understood rules of playing the game that must be reprogrammed. Which is not easy.

I am still reeling (there is much more that was crazy to me-go figure) and just had to get some of this "out" and out to you (my millions of readers-or 1). I put the devotion below and as with most things they have a time and you may not be blown away the way I was. As a matter of fact I KNOW I have read this devotion before because I can see pen marks but today was the day for it to hit me. Maybe you will see something else... tell me about it.
______________________________________________________________
Today's My Utmost For His Highest: January 23 http://www.rbc.org/utmost/index.php (this link may take you to the current day; so if it not Jan 23-then you will have to go to it) (but the entire thing is printed below)
correct link: http://utmost.org/transformed-by-beholding/

The greatest characteristic a Christian can exhibit is this completely unveiled openness before God, which allows that person’s life to become a mirror for others. When the Spirit fills us, we are transformed, and by beholding God we become mirrors. You can always tell when someone has been beholding the glory of the Lord, because your inner spirit senses that he mirrors the Lord’s own character. Beware of anything that would spot or tarnish that mirror in you. It is almost always something good that will stain it— something good, but not what is best.

The most important rule for us is to concentrate on keeping our lives open to God. Let everything else including work, clothes, and food be set aside. The busyness of things obscures our concentration on God. We must maintain a position of beholding Him, keeping our lives completely spiritual through and through. Let other things come and go as they will; let other people criticize us as they will; but never allow anything to obscure the life that "is hidden with Christ in God" (Colossians 3:3). Never let a hurried lifestyle disturb the relationship of abiding in Him. This is an easy thing to allow, but we must guard against it. The most difficult lesson of the Christian life is learning how to continue "beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord . . . ."

Practical Faith: Aimless or Abundant?

Practical Faith: Aimless or Abundant?

I read this today and thought it was very encouraging and wanted to share it with all my readers {ha! ha!}~! Ahem! I mean save it for me, because I think I am the only reader ;)

Be blessed today! Love, me

Locusts? What locusts?

So, in the blog below you may have noticed that the scripture the Lord gave me didn't have locusts in it. Well, that is okay because I felt like the Lord gave Spirit to my prayers and gave me a kindred heart with the writer Moses.

I later did go find the locusts. They were in Joel. Other places to, but Joel was what I was looking for:

Joel 2:25 (New Living Translation)
The Lord says, “I will give you
back what you lost
to the swarming locusts, the hopping locusts,
the stripping locusts, and the cutting
locusts.
It was I who sent this great destroying army against you.

The scarier (not really scary) thing for me was the entire book of Joel and how I feel like it is a call to repentance and a preparing for the comping of the Lord. This plays to a bigger theme in my life about my family and how God desires to use us to prepare others for His coming. I have not continued to study yet, as it freaked me out. I did feel though that I had to at least give you a bit of the story.

So, that my readers is "part of the story." To be continued...

"Have mercy on us, O Lord, have mercy on us, for we have endured much contempt." Psalm 123:3

Week two of my study was met with a lack luster attempt at obedience. Not sure why, that was just how it was. There was another moment though. A moment where I was just clicking along doing my bible study and for two days studying a particular Psalm and then on the final day when asked to reread it and write it in my own words felt like I was "kicked in the gut" by the Holy Spirit. A holy kicking in the gut!

Timing is everything. I have told the ladies in the bible study that if you answer a question "wrong"-meaning you took the question differently than others or read one thing and answered another-so what! This is an intimate study between you and God and whatever God is doing in that moment "go with that". So, I often do not take my own advice and was frustrated with myself because I was behind several days. Behind in my timing, right on time by God's.

The evening before I was graced at bedtime with arguing siblings. For the life of me I can not understand why they can not show more love for one another. My daughter (19yr) can have no mercy on my son (14yr) at times. She expects perfection and is ready to tell him at any given moment his every fault. She does not "consider" him; whether it is his feelings, his intentions, or time with him-little consideration is given. My son does not handle his attention seeking appropriately and provokes his sister to give him negative attention which is better than no attention at all. He is a button pusher and he has her figured out. Though he desires her affection and attention he does everything within his power to aggravate the snot out of her and make her want to hurt him. The house can be peaceful and fun then put the two of them in the room together and the mojo changes the entire family. It truly breaks my heart. Mostly because I know it breaks the heart of God and I feel helpless at changing it. Guilt, manipulation, ridicule, tears, nothing has working. I mockingly say these fruits of the spirit are rotten-no wonder!

So, there I am at the breakfast table the next morning doing my bible study on Psalm 123. Beth Moore does such a great job of bringing to light the heart of God's word and making it so palatable I can't eat enough.

This is a huge lesson I learned: "Disrespect is not the same as disagreement. We can strongly disagree and still treat people with respect. Disrespect devalues them. We can disrespect people in the way we talk to them or refuse to talk to them. Someone can say all the right things yet have a tone, expression, or manner the exudes disrespect. We can be disrespectful in the way we look at the person talking to us or even more disrespectful in our refusal to look. Disrespect is treating someone as inferior or simply not worth the courtesy. In a nutshell, it is the disregard of innate human value." Moore, B (2007). Stepping up: a journey through the Psalms of Ascent. Nashville, TN: LifeWay Press

Disrespect-this is the sin in our house! I was so excited at what God was illuminating for me. I proceed with my lesson eating up what God is showing me. Then at the end we go back a reread the scripture:

Psalm 123
I lift my eyes to You, the One enthroned in heaven.
Like a servant's eyes on His master's hand,
like a servant girl's eyes on her mistress's hand,
so our eyes are on the LORD our God
until He shows us favor.
Show us favor, LORD, show us favor,
for we've had more than enough contempt.
We've had more than enough
scorn from the arrogant
and contempt from the proud.

Our intent is to reread the Psalm we have studied for two days so we can rewrite it in our own words. Rereading it my shoulders sink, I begin to feel nauseated It hits me! {Insert holy kick in the gut here} I am too crushed to rewrite it in my own words this is the best I could muster- I write: "Ugh! I am crushed. Looking back on it {the Psalm} I see my daughter looking to my hands-copying me. and then seeing what she does to her brother and father-only what I have done before her. {Weeping} Have MERCY Oh God! I am so sorry. Please forgive me. God help me set it right. Everything minus Brit equals me. Ahh!"

These are words that lack the full extent of the brokenness of my heart at the time. I believe when confronted full faced with our sin no words can fully express the grief, but the Spirit takes that and makes something beautiful. God shows us mercy! The same theme continues-I can't change anyone but myself. I am trying to recognize my displays of disrespect. I pray i am found faithful so that my children can see their sin and have mercy as God has shown them mercy.

Living in a moment

Have you ever just had a "moment?" A moment that in the moment felt like just any regular moment; then, BAM, a light is switched on and/or something unsuspected happens and it is A MO-MENT! Praise God! A significant, life moment. No? You haven't? Of course you have! God is using this bible study I am doing to wreck me moment by moment. Praise God for moments like this:

In God's economy up is down. I have said of these last days in my journey with God I picture life like a "house of mirrors;" everything is an illusion. Good may be bad, bad may be good, beautiful may be beautiful or possibly ugly. Trust nothing that makes sense!

I have struggled the last two days with serious issues and ugliness and questions. I am trying hard not to snap back into "who I am." When asked the question: "What scares you most about your next adventure with Him?" Answered truthfully: me. I am so good at prettying things up. Acting how I know I should. Trying to do the right thing. Ugh! But I know I have this ugliness in my heart. All these questions. Anger! Doubt! Fear. "These things are not of God; I might have said to myself. What if they were? Rather than stopping being ugly because it is not the right thing to do-I have tried to stay ugly. Really figure out what it is, why do I feel this way? and I am NOT going to ignore it. Last night, no lie, these were my words: I want to cuss, I am so angry, I want to throw things, smash things, I could go in the kitchen and break dishes and feel goouuuhhood about it. My husband acted as if he hadn't heard me (I wouldn't doubt in warfare if he hadn't) but I felt ignored, tossed aside, like he didn't care that I could implode at any moment. What was I so angry about? Everything and nothing at the same time. Just and inward boiling. I awoke. Trent prayed over me, sweet encouraging words and all I could do was inwardly argue and think what if this is who I really am, what if I am never nice again? Will you still be the right kind of husband if I am NEVER the right kind of wife, will you stay on this path with God, surrendered if I go off the deep end? My turn to pray. I could really only say-Help me be real. I am so sorry. Honest.

Fast forward. Face down before God. A word came into my head. REBELLIOUS! I was humbled. I had been so angry at everyone in my world for their rebellious nature and look at their model! Ugh! I was sick. Mostly in a very humbled way. Now this was not some long spiritualized moment, merely seconds. Then I, feeling divinely inspired, decided I would put this word before my eyes to remind me of who I REALLY am. So I got up and went to my desk and took a red marker and began to write the word "R-e-b-e-l... wait I better check my spelling... OK 2 l's...l-i-o-u-s" I look down at my sign and my heart sinks! I wrote the WRONG word! Ugh! I wrote REBELLIONS! Are you kidding me. Red hot frustration flushed over me as I picked up the pen to correct my error; thoroughly pleased (sarcasm intended) that I would now have to walk around with red marker and now a scribbled correction further proving not only am I rebellious but an screw-up as well. In a moment... just a second, no less, the Spirit of God within me prompted me: "look again". Wait... what does it say? Wow! A word I penned with my very own hand, inspired of God, something I double checked, then wrote with confidence, and how quickly my heart sunk when things were not what I thought-then they soared because all along I HAD written REBELLIOUS but look things are not always as they appear. In a moment God showed me I can deceive myself with my very own hand and eyes. Soaring because He took a moment to teach me a lesson and I gave Him the moment to do it. There are rebellions because I am rebellious. The change in those I love starts and will only be fully recognized once there is a change in me. What hope do I have to offer the rebellious if i am still living out daily the sin of rebellion? I WANT hope, for God's sake, so I can give hope. Well, recognizing I am rebellious was a step on this pilgrimage toward "Stepping Up" with God in.

It was a high that lasted but a moment. A moment well worth it. A significant moment in what seemed like an insignificant morning. What in your life is not what it appears? Who are you deceiving? Yourself? Can you give God a moment? He'll show you great things.

Psalm 120 (Holman Christian Standard Bible)

A Cry for Truth and Peace
A song of ascents.

In my distress I called to the LORD, and He answered me:
"LORD, deliver me from lying lips and a deceitful tongue."
What will He give you, and what will He do to you, you deceitful tongue?
A warrior's sharp arrows, with burning charcoal!
What misery that I have stayed in Meshech, that I have lived among the tents of Kedar!
I have lived too long with those who hate peace.
I am for peace; but when I speak, they are for war.

Step it Up a Notch!

Beth Moore, an enigma to me once. A woman I heard Kim and Melissa speak of with awe and honor. These women where different from any other Christians I had known. I wanted what these women had and if they had Beth Moore I wanted Beth Moore too. Through a fortunate (another interesting moment if you know of the Mayerlen string that runs through our life) turn of events B (trying not to use full first and last names to protect our identity-ha!) could not use her tickets and I got to go in her place. I don't remember all the details that had to work out for me to go-miracles no less! but I went. Many of you know pieces of that testimony but my favorite is: my DNA is forever on the floor of that church as tears and snot poured as rivers of living water overflowed from my "dry and dusty land." I'd say that marks the beginning of a journey of faith and obedience as the Spirit put me on tracks with Him so that I could not escape the path the changed my life. That was May, 2002.

The Polk's were on the move, literally, a move out of state to the "mission" field of beautiful Charleston, South Carolina. Trent had already moved to prepare for our arrival. I had to stay and pack our house. I did not think I would be able to go to the Beth Moore event because it was the weekend we were leaving town. Not sure who, but I am sure it was Kim (she is the genius of the group) came up with a plan. U-Hauls had to be loaded, but did I have to load them-nope! I packed the house and left everything ready to load. I left early Friday morning and went to North Carolina with the ladies listed below to return late Saturday night, to an empty house, loaded trucks and a sleeping family. We awoke, walked through our empty house, loaded the last of our things and went to Mosaic church and left for south kakalaky right after.

Kim, Barbara K, Karyn, Margie, Peggy, Kristine, Mellisa, Ashley Mc, Jennifer R, Joan, Crystal and lil ole me. We were off to see a mentor and friend. I now called her Beth and knew her personally (ha! joking-but that was how I felt). She said God gave her a message and that it was for THIS GROUP OF WOMEN. I thought, you say that to all the events... Knowing Beth so intimately as I did, I knew she was a woman of her word. Just in case though: I'd trust God that even if she was making it up-He wasn't and I would pay attention. She talked about the Psalms of Ascent and that we had a journey before us and at he end we would be at the next level with God (very summarized version) I started my Psalms of Ascent homework-but never finished. It wasn't doing anything for me. I was so excited for everything God had. I was on top of the world. Ready for change. Ready for what God had. Until it got hard, lonely, depressing and not what I expected at all. That was June, 2005.

What came between then and now? Much in the life of our family... growth, new eyes to see a world out of church, a dream unravel, deception, abuse, loneliness, abandonment, new life, depression, a return to Jacksonville, FL only 8 months later, no home, no job, then new business, provision, adultery, bringing up past hurt, church division, darkness, suicidal thoughts, healing, changes, financial blessing, new home, restoration, hope, financial hardships, marriage proposals, complacency (just to name a few things) .

So, praise God for a God who brings things full circle. Full circle? you ask. Yes! So, out comes this little study called "Stepping Up" a journey through the Psalms of Ascent by, none other than my friend, Beth Moore. I'll share here and there highlights along this journey.

The most exciting thing for me is timing. God's to be exact. He pretty much forced me to come out of hiding and confess who I really have been through this season of sin. Sin is such a strong word yet completely an understatement. When you are living your nice little life in a good way with God-it can be sin. I was not surrendered, and I knew it. I was not honoring my husband, and I knew it. I was not loving people the way God desires, and I knew it. I was not training my children, and I knew it. I was not being the best friend, and I knew it. I was spending money we didn't have, and I knew it. The best part is, my husband was convicted and we are on the same page and I am ready to do what God wants. not that it will be easy, warfare is fierce! But, this is the beginning. I am stepping up!

Pursue, Predicaments, and Panting!

I awake this morning hungry for truth from God. Usually I am hungry for fruit and exercise. I have wandered from my first love in order to deal~ oblivious to the world crumbling around me. I spent the evening with my in-laws as we explained to them our eminent financial disaster. Watching my husband humble himself and seek wisdom spurred something in me that I hadn't felt in a while: HOPE!

I have run across several things in the last days as I wrestled with my self-image and berating thoughts. Praise God for a Lord that pursues me as I flee. Like this quote: "I am here. Seek not to know the future. Mercifully I veil it from you. Faith is too priceless a possession to be sacrificed in order purchase knowledge. Intimate knowledge of Me will teach you all things and be the very foundation of your faith." Have no idea who to credit it to, a friend emailed it to me-it was on her thought for the day calendar and well it was meant for me :)

Here is one that I cringe when I hear: "The man who cannot endure to have his errors and shortcoming brought to the surface and made known, but tries to hide them, is unfit to walk the highway of truth." James Allen Who was he? But, my father-in-law read it last night on my refrigerator and was like wow that's something--and inside I was cringing like "I know" I need to get fit.
Here's a link: http://jamesallen.wwwhubs.com/


Below are two articles that I came across looking for the writer of the first quote about knowledge. Again, for me! Being that you ladies are my "for-life" friends and you have no alternative but to be my friend (wink-wink) I am asking for prayer.

I do not want to live daily cringing and waiting for the next blow from the enemy-I do not want to hide in fear hoping I can make myself small enough that no one will notice (especially satan) I do not want to retreat into the darkness because I feel like a failure in the light--I know God would not have me feel this way--I could write a thousand words on why I shouldn't live this way--if it were any of you I would speak with boldness and proclaim God's sovereignty and truth. and then there is me feeling like "it" is not meant for me.

So as I lift me head to see over my predicaments and I hold out my hand to ask my Father for some living water I see and feel a glimmer of who I once was or maybe more who I thought I was. Good old Psalm 40 is beating in my heart-blood is entering my face so I feel a smile when I think of my Lord--it is hard to explain but lately it has been like I am trying to lift up this big God as I am so weary and weak~~ but I believe Him to have the answers! I believe he has a plan! I know that his ways are not my ways! but instead of LIVING IT I held Him up like a shield protecting me--i don't know if that makes any sense but it does to me.

Okay, so this is getting long and I do want to workout-smile-BUT KNOW THIS! I am grateful to have sisters to go through life with, I am so unbelievably thankful that I have friends that are closer than sisters, I am in awe at the parallels in our lives at times-BUT MOSTLY I just want you all to know that I love you. Pray for me and my family-the enemy surely wants to destroy us all. Let us band together for truth-I don't want to be a weak link in our circle of love--bare with me and speak truth over me. loving you all!

Love me


PREDICAMENTS
by Charles R. Swindoll

Romans 8

Ah, those predicaments . . . life is full of them. Often they are of our own making. Other times they just seem to happen mysteriously to us. Occasionally, predicaments are comical or borderline crazy. Sometimes they can be irritating and troublesome. But one thing is for sure: Predicaments are unpredictable. And embarrassing. And confusing. And really weird.

Like the time I was leading a Bible study at a church I’d never attended before. Shortly after getting underway, I noticed two people (latecomers) standing at the door, reluctant to join us. The woman was much older than the man, so I paused, looked in their direction, and welcomed them to join our group, saying, “Why don’t you and your mother pull up a chair and join us?” Well, you could’ve heard a pin drop. Too late I realized my mistake. She was his wife! Throughout the first part of the session (which seemed like an eternity), I felt like dead meat, and they glared at me like a couple of circling buzzards. When we took a coffee break, they were out of there.

At times like this, I find a measure of relief in knowing that Scripture records one predicament after another. Can you imagine how Peter felt immediately after he had deliberately denied the Lord for the third time . . . then heard that ominous cock crowing in the distance? Talk about embarrassing.

And what about Daniel, who refused to obey the injunction of King Darius. Though Daniel continued to obey God, he wound up spending the night in a den of lions. Talk about confusing!

And who can forget David’s inexplicable actions when he fled from Saul and found himself in enemy territory and “disguised his sanity . . . and acted insanely in their hands, and scribbled on the doors of the gate, and let his saliva run down into his beard” (1 Sam. 21:13). Talk about weird!

I’m comforted when I realize that God is in sovereign control of all of life. He not only knows the times and the seasons; He is also Lord of the unexpected and the unpredictable. Our times and our trials are in His hands. Even when we feel embarrassed or confused or do something really weird.

Whether we’re on cloud nine, enjoying His blessings, or caught in the thicket of some tangled predicament, He hasn’t let us go. By His grace, He remains “for us”
(Rom. 8:31).

Remember, He is the God of your soaring spirits as well as
your perplexing predicaments.
Taken from Charles R. Swindoll, Day by Day with Charles Swindoll (Nashville: W Publishing Group, 2000). Copyright © 2000 by Charles R. Swindoll, Inc. All rights reserved. Used by permission.

LINK: http://www.insight.org/site/News2?page=NewsArticle&id=8433&news_iv_ctrl=1781



BEING HOLY
by Charles R. Swindoll

Psalm 42

Our fast-lane living these days does not lend itself to the traits we have traditionally attached to godliness. Remember the old hymn we sang in church years ago? “Take time to be holy, speak oft with thy Lord; abide in Him always and feed on His Word. . . . Take time to be holy, the world rushes on.”

We read those words, believe them, and would even defend them, but we sigh as we confess that more often than not we are strangers to them. The idea of taking the kind of time “to be holy” that our grandparents once did is rather dated.

Does this mean, then, that we cannot be holy? Does an urban lifestyle force us to forfeit godliness? Must we return to the “little house on the prairie” in order to be godly?

Obviously, the answer is no. If godliness were linked to a certain culture or a horse-and-buggy era, then most of us would be out of luck! As much as we might enjoy a slower and less pressured lifestyle, God has not called everyone to such a role or place.

Which brings us to a bottom-line question I seldom hear addressed these days: What exactly does it mean to be holy . . . to be godly?

Godliness cannot be confused with how a person looks (hard as it is for us to get beyond that) or what a person drives or owns. As tough as it is for us to be free of envy and critical thoughts, it is imperative that we remind ourselves that “God looks on the heart” (1 Sam. 16:7); therefore, whatever we may say godliness is, it is not skin deep.

Godliness is something below the surface of a life, deep down in the realm of attitude
. . . an attitude toward God Himself.

The longer I think about this, the more I believe that a person who is godly is one whose heart is sensitive toward God, one who takes God seriously. This evidences itself in one very obvious mannerism: The godly individual hungers and thirsts after God. In the words of the psalmist, the godly person has a soul that “pants” for the living God
(Ps. 42:1-2). What matters is the individual’s inner craving to know God, listen to Him, and walk humbly with Him.

Godly people possess an attitude of willing submission to God’s will and ways. Whatever He says, goes. And whatever it takes to carry it out is the very thing the godly desire to do.

The godly soul “pants” and “thirsts” for God.

The godly take God seriously.

Taken from Charles R. Swindoll, Day by Day with Charles Swindoll (Nashville: W Publishing Group, 2000). Copyright © 2000 by Charles R. Swindoll, Inc. All rights reserved. Used by permission

A Prayer To Share

A Healing Captive
from Breaking Free by Beth Moore (I think...-I got this from a friend)

O, God, Who frees the captive
do not liberate this carnal slave for freedom's sake.
For I will surely wing my flight to another thorny land.
Break instead, each evil bond
and rub my swollen wrists,
Then take me prisoner to your will
Enslaved in your safekeeping.

O, God, Who ushers light into the darkness,
Do not release me to the light
to only see myself.
Cast the light of my liberation upon your face
and be Thou my vision.
Do not hand me over
to the quest of greater knowledge.
Make your word a lamp unto my feet
and a light unto my path
And lead me to your dwelling.

O, God, Who lifts the grieving head,
Blow away the ashes
But let your gentle hand upon my brow
be my only crown of beauty.
Comfort me so deeply,
My healer,
that I seek no other comfort.

O, God, Who loves the human soul
too much to let it go,
So thoroughly impose Yourself
into the heaps and depths of my life
that nothing remains undisturbed.
Plow this life, Lord,
Until everything You overturn
Becomes a fertile soil,
Then plant me, O, God
In the vast plain of your love.
Grow me, strengthen me,
And do not lift your pressing hand
Until it can boastfully unveil
A display of your splendor.