I have joined facebook and I am overwhelmed by it; at the same time, it is useful.  One thing I like is I can write "what's on my mind" regularly when I don't have time to blog.  However, because it doesn't have the story behind the "thoughts" it lacks in knowing what is truly going on. So, I am going back and taking my facebook status posts and give the REST OF THE STORY. 

 SATURDAY 1/23/2010 Time to face up Clean this old house Time to breathe in and let everything out That I've wanted to say for so many years Time to to release all my held back tears {Sanctus Real~ Something Heavenly}  To hear the song:CLICK HERE Saturday was a TOUGH day of REPENTANCE and tears.  It was a day where my husband humbled himself, confessed his sin, sought my forgiveness, and began to lay out where we were going to have to go from here.  It was a HARD day, to say the least.  I don't think I have cried so much in one day in a good many years. After the "hard talk" Trent said, I will give you some time with your thoughts, then we will run errands.  I went to the computer to "You Tube" praise & worship. Nothing but praise to my Lord would do. I listened to this song,from my past,over and over and over, in and amongst other songs.  It helped me get my heart and mind on track. happy to "clean this old house, breathe in and let everything out...(for the time being... dun, dun, duh)

On my way to run errands we were talking through our action plan.  What were we going to have to do to get back on track.  What we were going to have to sell... He talked about selling his things: golf clubs, surf boards, guns, anything of value{insert aside-this is HUGE-SACRIFICIAL-and SO PAINFUL to my heart to think of my husband having to go her) Then He moved on to household things like furniture, the little couch in the office {okay} and the kitchen table {STOP ALL THOUGHT, what did he just say?} 

I am pretty sure he was still talking but my mind was racing other places, I am pretty sure I mustered up intelligent speech about "not being able to sell it for what it was worth to replace it" and then the tears came {again} in a big way.  Almost uncontrollable.  "Why was he so mean?" I thought.  No! God! We aren't here. You are faithful. Surely we will not have to go here.  My things... {how ridiculous am I? don't answer that} I sat in that selfish place as we went about our errands.  I had an attitude, but hubby, understood. It was a SAD day that was a long time coming.  Eventually I got to the place of "existing", trying to put on a good face. Resolutely I KNEW we were going to be okay.  I KNEW God would bring me along eventually, He is just that loving and faithful.  

 SUNDAY  1/24/2010 "When all of the sudden, I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory. And I realize just how beautiful You are and how great Your affections are for me." Pondering this all day. How He Loves Us!  This was my first thought as I awoke.  Almost like God just pressed it on my heart. "Here you go Jen, chew on this" Unaware of afflictions? Eclipse! Your glory LORD, eclipses my afflictions, almost in a way that is sudden, THEN I realize just how beautiful YOU are and how GREAT Your affections are for ME?  Glory eclipses afflictions.  BLOTS THEM OUT! GOD's GLORY!

Now, I apologize to you if this is a "DUH"!  If everyone reading this is thinking "Man is SHE slow" but that was how it was :)  We all have praise songs we love.  Songs we sing out.  When they play them at church, all the better, because you can sing loud (and in my case bad) and just PRAISE the Lord!  This is one of those songs for me.  HOWEVER, I have never "processed" what the lyrics meant to me personally. I love when God takes the time to take us deeper! ...He hasn't brought me to "the sloppy wet kiss" part of the song yet I'll let you know if He does :)

The song is below if you want to hear it.  

While I was in the shower, getting ready for church, still processing this verse and what I felt like God was showing me, I was reminded about my FIT yesterday over THINGS!  Things that in all honesty mean NOTHING! They give the appearance of comfort. The appearance that things are okay. The appearance that we have it all together... BUT what if that is not what God wants to show others through our life.  {reminder I am in the shower-hurry up God I am wasting hot water here jk} What if when people come over to visit they see empty space where stuff used to be, and when they ask we have the opportunity to tell them about how it was all God's anyway and we had to sacrifice it.  My house has always been an instrument to show others about the Lord.  Lit-er-ally everything has been given to us! Beautiful things! Our house is something I am so proud of but it is all from God through His people! Who am I to tell God HOW He can show HIS Glory?  

I entered the shower holding on to things, processing afflictions and glory, singing How He Loves and and I left the shower singing TAKE, TAKE, TAKE, IT ALL!!

He is a God of sacrifice! 

Enter my next thought.  Offering..., what are we going to give God today?  We didn't have much.  What we had left was designated.  I felt that "feeling", I hope you have had it, that feeling where the Holy Spirit is tugging and you know you better give it up (especially after you were just singing take, take, take it all!).  I decided I would "consult" some things before I "gave it all" Sorry, Lord, but we have a long way to go! oh! my weak weak faith :)  I justify: It is all we have Lord. Surely, wisdom says "consult" and "make sure" this isn't some emotional "feeling" before you give it all.  

I got dressed, had coffee, and got on with some things but {hmmm. sneaky Lord} "forget" about consulting before giving it all.  Needless to say, we get to the church service and I think "Oh no! I forgot to "consult". Well, that leaves no other option: do what you know you were supposed to do anyway! I pull out the bank envelope (you know the kind you get from the bank when you get money back from the teller), and begin to empty the "change" from it... CONVICTION! I "feel" are you seriously going to take the change from me? I slip the change back in, feeling silly, write our name on the outside of the envelope and wait for the offering time.  As the plate passed by I tossed "our widow's mite" into the plate.  At least that's how it felt.  I thought "okay, Lord don't let me down." 

My "consulting" is just code for seeing if it was going to be SAFE! God is not safe!  but He is Good!

Lucy: Is he... safe?
Mr. Beaver: Safe? Dont you hear what Mrs. Beaver tells you? Of
  course he isnt safe... but... hes GOOD... Hes the King. Chronicles of Narnia

The NEXT thing in the order of service was a gentleman sharing about the impact our churchesBIBLE in 90 days challenge. He shared from a passage of scripture about....

Guess... no seriously guess!  SACRIFICE! I sat there in jaw-dropped-amazement at my Lord timing and sense of humor.  I cried thinking about how intimately He loves us!

While I don't remember everything he said here is what I wrote:

"...I will not sacrifice to the LORD my God burnt offerings that cost me nothing."(2 Samuel 24:24)

Feel the pain

Do without something

Now we are not even to the message and I have had a full day!  My cup runneth over so to speak and then...the message was about tithing. My favorite!  I am not the church goer that cringes every time a pastor talks about money and giving. I mean COME ON people it's God's anyway.  However, like many I fall into the traps the enemy sets thinking "times are tough" "God understands" and keep back what is GOD'S!  So, I am thankful for the men of God that bring the TRUTH! Even more thankful when the Holy Spirit nudges us to act in faith. It was an awesome message to round out an awesome day of REJUVENATION!

 MONDAY 1/25/2010 Cannot sacrifice that which cost me nothing! Making sacrifices, experiencing miracles, worth the cost...surely! (2 Samuel 24:24)

I sit here 1 week later after REPENTANCE Saturday and REJUVENATION Sunday; Recounting all that the LORD has done for my family this week and I tell you it is the BEST weeks I have had in a long time.  

Facing what is real, dealing in truth, experiencing the Lord's blessing because  


We, LITERALLY, experienced a miracle everyday! Everyday I tell you!  ...and I am not talking about "I am alive to experience another day" miracle. I am talking an "Only GOD could do that!" kind of miracles.  I would love to recount and tell you every little and large thing that God has done, but that would give away "our struggles" and God knows them and is going to provide!  

While many of you love us and would do anything for us, I only want what God wants for us.  ...and if that means SACRIFICE, then I want to have the kind of faith that says "Take, Take, Take IT All!!" 

This version of the song is long, but powerful-I recommend being in the MOOD to experience the LOVE of God and praise His name before listening.  



If you are reading this on FACEBOOK I think it removes videos or something so you can CLICK HERE to be take to the original post.


Beautiful Mess said...

Not sure WHY all the link are going to the next line--but I couldn't figure out how to fix it. Sorry.

Janet said...

Wow. Powerful, Jen...

Bless you for being so open - to the LORD and to your friends.



Andrea said...

Are we friends on fb. If not, friend me if you would like: Andrea Bowling Perdue. It is a picture of me in a green shirt with sitka (my malamute).


Deborah Ann said...

Sounds like you're going through some tough times. That's great, because God will really be glorified through all of it! Though you're in the valley now, that mountain top is not far away...