Is this Jenni?

"This is grandpa. Patricia isn't doing well; she is in the hospital and I am not sure how much longer I am going to be here?"

This is one way to start your morning that I would NOT recommend. 

I am so conflicted. 

Now this isn't the first call like it's hard to know the true gravity of the situation.  He sounded bad though. 

He wants me to come get the things he wants left to me and my family. 

One positive is that his wife, my step-grandmother,  won't be there. I know, that's horrible to say.  However, I can be nothing but honest when I say "that is a difficult relationship."  I love her. I really do. I have learned a lot about grace and mercy and forgiveness in our relationship...but that doesn't mean I want to hang out with her.

How do you do that? How do you go and take things from the living knowing they are dying.

Are there things I want? Sure. More than any thing I want a RIGHT relationship with my grandfather. I want to hear stories again...I want to sit in the shade and listen to military stories...stories of my grandmother, and his youth, and his life, joys struggles, and pain. 

April 2013
His granddaughter with her granddaughter.
I truly feel like the worst granddaughter in the world.  How has it been over a year since he has seen his greatgrandaughter?

I am sad. Conflicted.