Is it going to be worth it?
What does it all mean?
I am stuck here, doing life
Living in-between.

Doing what I ought not,
Avoiding what I could,
Only making living harder,
Tougher than it should.

How to get back on track?
It all seems for not,
All the things that steal my focus
Not doing what I ought.

How to get back on track?
Doing what YOU will,
Lord I need Your guidance,
To have Your peace, live Your way, to be still.

I am so ashamed.
I am so distraught.
It’s amazing how a little fun
Will magnify the “ought”!

The Ought to do this…
The ought to do that…
Instead we are satisfied
Doing what is whack!

Television, movies,
Internet and games,
Stealing focus, numbing hearts
Making life insane!

What to do? Where to start?
The time is getting late.
Who can help? This is a mess!
The shame it is so great.

Feeling like a failure
To my husband, my family, my God.
I don’t know how to get my heart in line,
I feel stuck, and sad, and odd.

Everyday trying to smile,
Everyday pressing through,
Accomplishing nothing,
Fooling every one of you.
Not fooling myself,
Each day feeling worse.
Wanting a cure, a miracle, an answer
To save me from this curse.

Did I do this to my own self?
Is it my mother’s fault?
Have I cursed my daughter?
Not doing what I ought.

How to break from this misery?
How to end the shame?
How do I start, get back on track
Head, full force, in the game?

Nice when life brings busyness
To take me away from the pain
Nice to have a break
An excuse to avoid the shame

Am I living a lie
Can anybody know
The whispers of the evil one
Putting on a show

Things they aren’t that bad
They are not too far gone
The evil one has a plan
But his is all wrong

I want to live,
I want to conquer this mess
I want to do it right
and have great success

I want to make my husband proud
Not be a source of shame
I want him to have honor
Bringing glory to his name

Have I said enough?
Is it all out?
Now, I have now spent another hour
Not doing what I ought.


j-nell said...

Wow! I found your blog from a link in a friend's and as always feel like I've been lead to where I needed to be. Your post resonated with me because of one I wrote this morning. I just don't know what to do anymore. Thanks for sharing.