A good friend said I was addicted the the Word of the Lord :) Alleluia! While I know there have been times I have needed God's Word more than food. Not sure I would define it as more than a crackhead needed his crack but I WISH I was more addicted!
|Click here to be taken to the NA site if you need more information|
The best way I can describe it is I feel like a seed that has been in the ground for sometime, being dormant, watered, fertile but it's all getting ready to burst forth and I don't know what kind of plant I will be but I know it will be beautiful, glorious, Jesus loving plant :)
See, many who know about my recent family addition of having my cousin who is in recovery live with me, praise me. UGH! It's not me! It's HE! For those of you that didn't know...now you know.
Every week I sit in Narcotics Anonymous meetings and marvel at how the "church" should be more like this. Truth is it is a church of sorts. Secret is: I LOVE IT! I am not addicted to narcotics, but I have issues. Being there helps me. I love real life! True stories. Seeing God save the lost. I tell my cousin, you think we are there for you...but it's for me too. The Lord has something here for me. I am getting healing. Hope.
I have a reluctance to share, and a quietness (surprise) in my Spirit, to protect what the Lord is doing in my life because of those that have "opinions".
I am scared sometimes at the lack of answers I have about what the Lord is doing...but JUST FOR TODAY...is all I have to deal with.
I am sad that I sometimes have to say no to things because our schedule doesn't allow for it...but I would rather be a part of what God is doing then be a part of what I want to do.
I am sad that I can't be two places at once. I love my family at SRCC, but I have to be where the Lord leads.
I am happy that everyday I have another chance to get to be LOVE. and try to model Jesus for another person to see. even when I fail, fall, and flounder i tried.
I am loving getting to share to journey...hard times, good times, redemptive times with a family member and i realize I don't share enough about where I have been. I think I may have forgot. It's nice that this time is helping me remember what the LORD has done!
See, when people praise me/us for what we are doing I realize they don't get it. No offense. I have no choice, but Christ. I think of Katie, and she gets a ton of praise, but I know her heart is for Jesus. Mine too.
How can I not? How can I not help someone, help themselves. How can I sit in my safe-pretty-little-Christian life and NOT be active in what Jesus is trying to do?
Yes, I feel like I am losing my life. that is a GOOD thing!
I spent my Fourth of July in a state of constant prayer for the "Still Sick and Suffering Addict." Imagining family difficulty, drama, cookouts with drugs and alcohol that addicts are trying to avoid, those without their children on the holiday...never before have I cared.
24 Then said Jesus unto his disciples, If any man would come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me.
25 For whosoever would save his life shall lose it: and whosoever shall lose his life for my sake shall find it.
26 For what shall a man be profited, if he shall gain the whole world, and forfeit his life? or what shall a man give in exchange for his life?
The Lord is opening my eyes to a whole new world. I am grateful! I like to think my prayers helped someone. If even only me.