Her final words to me…if you found out you only had 72 hours to live, how would you spend the next 72 hours? And, If you found out that in 72 hours you would gain all the financial independence you would ever need, how would you spend the next 72 hours? Live as if you are
going to life forever and live as if today could be your last!

These words take on new meaning for me in light of my present circumstance. You see I have been clinging to the side of a pit trying to decided if I was going to keep hanging on or let go and give myself to its depths.

Well two days ago the Lord woke me with intermittent songs of praise courtesy of christian radio between snooze alarm breaks. I knew He needed my attention. He told me to tell the truth and confess what I was "really" struggling with. Not the surfacy "christianese". I started with a friend who interuptted my morning routine of spyspacing and I shared. I immediatly knew I had to put scripture up around my house. Begin replacing the LIES with TRUTH. I needed to surround myslef with God's promises.

Isaiah 40:28-31 (New International Version) 28 Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. 29 He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. 30 Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; 31 but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

Philippians 3:8-9 (New International Version)8What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have
lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ 9and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith.

2 Corinthians 10:5 (The Message) 3-6The world is unprincipled. It's dog-eat-dog out there! The world doesn't fight fair. But we don't live or fight our battles that
way—never have and never will. The tools of our trade aren't for marketing or manipulation, but they are for demolishing that entire massively corrupt culture. We use our powerful God-tools for smashing warped philosophies, tearing down barriers erected against the
truth of God, fitting every loose thought and emotion and impulse into the structure of life shaped by Christ. Our tools are ready at hand for clearing the ground of every obstruction and building lives of obedience into maturity.

2 Samuel 22:2-4 (New Living Translation)2These are the words he sang:
"The LORD is my rock, my fortress, and my savior; 3 my God is my rock, in whom I find protection. He is my shield, the strength of my salvation, and my stronghold, my high tower, my savior, the one who saves me from violence. 4 I will call on the LORD, who is worthy of praise, for he saves me from my enemies.

Psalm 32:7 (New Living Translation) For you are my hiding place; you protect me from trouble. You surround me with songs of victory.

Isaiah 41:10So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Psalm 63:8My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me.

I cleaned, praised and prayed. I sat down in the afternoon to watch Oprah-which I rarely do.

And what was it on? Suicide survivors. People who had survived unbelievable circumstances and were thankful to be alive. Most had found the Lord and were using their trial to
rejoice in triumph. I wept. I knew I was not going to keep clinging to the side of the pit but I was going to fight my way out of it!

The next morning I confessed the truth to my husband and accountability partners. I had the wonderful opportunity of sharing with my daughter and listening to her heart on things she was struggling with. I had a sister, friend, and daughter all-in-one; I am truly blessed.

Today is a new day, I feel refreshed. I know that darkness is receding and what was I awoken to this a.m.?
Yes, I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
Still I will praise You, still I will praise You

Oh no, You never let go
Through the calm and through the storm

Oh no, You never let go
In every high and every low

Oh no, You never let go
Lord, You never let go of me

As soon as it came on Trent went to hit snooze and I said "wait!" I listened and smiled and said, you can turn it off now that was all I needed to hear. We snuggled in closer trying to fall back to sleep before the next anticipated interruption. God is in the interruptions.

My battle is not over. It is an ongoing one I will fight to some degree the rest of my life. I still need prayer. But what I need most is my Jesus. He is with me and He will never let go!

Who knows what I would do if I found out that I only have 72 hours left to live. I would most undoubtably spend it rejoicing over the life I have lived and all God has brought me through with my amazing family and closest friends. I hope I live a life with no regrets or unforgiveness so I do not have to waste those precious moments trying to make things right. I try to do that right away.

I would want to see the Grand Canyon one last time; it is quite a thing of God's majesty. I would want to have a praise and worship fest and sing and dance and praise my God! I would want to be held by my husband and sqeeze my children. I probably couldn't say I love you enough.

These are just a few things but sobs have taken my ability to fully write much else. I want to live like today is my last, but man does the hum drum of life get in the way. I want to ponder this more. Maybe I will ask myself this everyday for awhile until it is in the forefront of my mind. We are not supposed to worry about tomorrow and only live for today.

Matthew 6:34 (New International Version) Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.