November 6, 2007

Matrix; hovering in the air seeing bullets come toward you as you bend and maneuver to avoid being shot. I wish I had that power. It is an illusion I know. Even if you could avoid things coming toward you there would always be things coming from the rear that you cannot avoid. I am stuck. I want to avoid what is coming at me but I feel the past approaching to torment and I am not sure which difficulty is of the most importance. Oh to have a menial task to do for a living. Insert widget A into slat B and replace item on conveyor belt. Wifehood or parenting can never carry instructions. Even the Lord’s instructions in His holy word use words like “train in the way” What way?-my way, your way, anyway? Oh! {sigh}

Where is this going? I have no idea. Just sitting and calling and searching for God’s will was stirring my pot more; so, I knew I had to release steam.

Is honesty the best policy? Should I treat others how I would want to be treated? What if they have treated me poorly? What if I don’t know how someone should treat me then how do I decide how to treat others? Why trust my judgment at all when I have handled things so poorly on so many occasions? Should I just stay silent and avoid treating at all?

If a bus was headed eastbound and departed the train station at 12:00pm how long before it plunges into the Atlantic Ocean. If a dog’s gestational period is 9 weeks then how many litters would a Chihuahua produce in its lifetime? If a bullet shot from a 9mm travels at a rate of 366m/s how long before your victim knows it’s coming? Answerable questions? No, they are only answerable if you have the other part of the equation. What if the other part of the question remains hidden? Does that change the facts? No, facts are facts. Equations are problems with variables. The problem REALLY is life is full of VARIABLES!

Is life like one of those “Choose Your Own Adventure” books from middle school?. After an introduction to the story, the reader is asked to determine the protagonist's next course of action. For instance, the first decision offered is:
If you decide allow your daughter to marry, turn to page 4.
If you decide that you will move to another continent, turn to page 5.
Or, is this a “The Adventure Is Completely and Totally Out of Your Control” and you just get to choose your reaction to the adventure. Wait, but wouldn’t your reaction somehow effect the adventure? What if you read the adventures out of order and missed critical information that would have effected your decision of the protagonist’s course? Can you go back and restart your adventure with a different course? No. I didn’t think so. So, there is God. He is the author and finisher of my faith. Therefore if I have no faith then God didn’t give me any? Right? If He’s the author, who am I?

Where do I go from here? What does tomorrow look like? If I knew the ending would I still want to live another day?