This was written for the Nursing Supervisor regarding my lack of care:
Saturday, I had been feeling poorly all afternoon. My arm was beginning to do what originally brought me into the hospital in the first place. I proceeded through my time with family accompanying me just resting and waiting. The nurse noted my symptoms and said she would notify the doctor.
I laid there thinking “oh my God I am so glad I didn’t go home against medical advice and that I am here”
I laid there feeling so alone.
I was scared that I had just had a stroke or that one was coming.
I kept doing the neurology tests to myself: arms up reaching for money, did they droop, smiling, touching my fingers to my thumb.
I called and asked to go to the bathroom. I knew because I was numb I shouldn’t walk. The tech came and while I was in there I examined myself in the mirror. Stick out my tongue, raise my eyebrows, smile. Everything looked normal; just numb.
As I sat on the edge of my bed I was trying to pay attention to everything so I could tell the doctor how I felt. Everything on my left side was numb. I was observing how strange it was to have ½ my tongue numb, my throat, my breathing felt strange like my lung was numb, my breast, my hair on the top of my head felt weird, blinking my eye felt strange. It was so odd. I knew I wasn’t getting worse. However, I was scared and alone.
I could not fall back to sleep. I was scared for my life. I thought I might have just had a stroke, am about to have a stroke…or worse. My mind was racing. I evaluated myself again and realized I was still improving. Still numb but maybe now a 4 on my made up scale of numbness.
I was disappointed that the nurse did not dig deeper or tell me what was going on with the doctor. Nothing. I thought should I call again? He didn’t seem like this was a big deal and to me it was the biggest deal ever.
My symptoms were improving though they were still present I figured I better try to do something to stop the crazy thinking. I went on the internet to check my symptoms. They matched with a stroke or TIA which I already knew. But somehow I at least felt like I was doing something. I checked facebook and tried to decide I needed to write one last status that was encouraging and good in case it was the last status I ever wrote.
Now it is after 2am and I don’t think I am ever going to go to sleep. No one was explaining anything to me, I am laying there numb, and apparently no one is coming. Try to sleep. I didn’t feel like that was happening.