Tears

He comes into the kitchen with lip sticking out and tears welling in the bottom of his eyes about to spill out into a flood.

I was caught off guard.

"Why are you crying?"

"I want my mooommyyyyyy" and the tears began to flow.

He sank his face into my thighs and I grabbed him.  Oh if the grip of love could stop the pain!

At first, if I am honest, I was sad for me.  Here I am day in and day out and she comes into town for the weekend and she gets all the glory. 

I stop myself.  This is sad. This is loss. This is grief. This is NOT about me.

We had a beautiful visit.  I am so proud of the strides his mother has made in her recovery. Thursday will be ONE YEAR drug and alcohol free! What she has gone through has not been easy.

What my foster grandson has gone through and will continue to go through won't be easy either.

We went to his room and he cried on and off for about 15-20 minutes.  We cuddled.  We talked.

I tried to explain in the simplest ways that his mommy loved him enough to make sure he was taken good care of while she was not stable.   

While I want to do everything in my power for him NOT to be sad, I know sadness is a part of life.  Grief is a part of life. 

Being raised by another person has got to be confusing for him.  This has been a situation that arises each time he leaves his mother. 

I encouraged him if he ever has questions to please ask.  He didn't really have questions, just sadness.  When I was small no one ever talked about anything, I don't want him to feel the way I felt.

This is balancing the fragile parts of life.  Being honest, while protecting his love for his parents.

I have always tried to honor them and give D high esteem for his parent's.  I never want him to look down on them for the tough sacrifices they have made. 

Each of them is in recovery.  Each of them is in a good place now.  Each of them has endless opportunities in the future but still a hard road ahead.

I don't know what the future holds. 

I do know that there will be grief, and sadness, and despair..this morning it was over the fact that his superheros weren't in the right place.