Reflecting on my life and some of the outrageous things God has called me to...and THROUGH, I don't know why other things...I think are TOO outrageous and ridiculous. 

I went to Shine 2015 this past weekend. It was a weekend of hard.  Also a weekend of confronting the callings and knowing I will be moving into the seasons where obedience to them is going to be required.

I take a nap daily, yesterday... I was awoken to a song and knew it was for me- I felt God impress on me...this is your song.

Second Chance-Rend Collective

Now, I am not in a place where I feel like I need another chance, like walked away from God or anything dramatic like that...but this song so poetically speaks my heart!

I feel like it gives meaning to my name Beautiful Mess even though it was written years after the name existed for me---

My future hangs on this
You make preciousness from dust
Please don't stop creating me

Your blood offers the chance
To rewind to innocence
Reborn, perfect as a child

Oh Your cross, it changes everything
There my world begins again with You
Oh Your cross, it's where my hope restarts
A second chance is Heaven's heart

When sin and ugliness
Collide with redemption's kiss
Beauty awakens by romance

Always inside this mess
I have found forgiveness
Mercy as infinite as You


Countless second chances
We've been given at the cross
Countless second chances
We've been given at the cross

Fragments of brokenness
Salvaged by the art of grace
You craft life from our mistakes

Black skies of my regrets
Outshone by this kindness
New life dawns over my soul

So here I sit, not knowing how, or how long it's going to take to walk out the vision.  But I have acknowledged that I have been ignoring, speaking impossibility, setting aside the call.  Now, I still absolutely believe what I HAVE been walking out is absolutely 100% part of the bigger plan.  My journey toward health, wellness, yoga, acro yoga, foster care, grandparent care, self care, self love, mental wellness, alternative medicine, natural alternatives, juicing, and loving people right where they are ISSSSSSS exactly what this endeavor will all be about.  Acknowledging that God works in all things, through all things, in His timing is so critical.

So, I am just writing it here to make it plain on tablets (Habakkuk 2:2 of sorts)

Lord, I have been so guilty in the past of trying to perform for You...thinking of the faith walk, like a faith game... I do this and You will do that....THANK YOU that you have freed me from that mindset...let me not walk in old ways of trying to gain others or Your acceptance by performance.  Let me stay in this place of being ME--100% wholly Beautiful Mess that I am, ME! Lord I know what you are calling me to and please help me have the faith in myself to accomplish it in Your time. Give me balance in this insane season of life.  Give me shield to those that don't understand and let me not look for their approval.  Protect the seedling and help me prune, water, fertilize and grow this vision. 

I love you Lord. I look forward to all you have to accomplish through me.  May I look like love when people look into my eyes.


Anonymous said...

It's amazing that you have realized your Moses moment - ignoring and trying to excuse your call from God - but He worked with and through you in the meantime until you came to the point you are now! I'm excited to see the Exodus!