Tears

He comes into the kitchen with lip sticking out and tears welling in the bottom of his eyes about to spill out into a flood.

I was caught off guard.

"Why are you crying?"

"I want my mooommyyyyyy" and the tears began to flow.

He sank his face into my thighs and I grabbed him.  Oh if the grip of love could stop the pain!

At first, if I am honest, I was sad for me.  Here I am day in and day out and she comes into town for the weekend and she gets all the glory. 

I stop myself.  This is sad. This is loss. This is grief. This is NOT about me.

We had a beautiful visit.  I am so proud of the strides his mother has made in her recovery. Thursday will be ONE YEAR drug and alcohol free! What she has gone through has not been easy.

What my foster grandson has gone through and will continue to go through won't be easy either.

We went to his room and he cried on and off for about 15-20 minutes.  We cuddled.  We talked.

I tried to explain in the simplest ways that his mommy loved him enough to make sure he was taken good care of while she was not stable.   

While I want to do everything in my power for him NOT to be sad, I know sadness is a part of life.  Grief is a part of life. 

Being raised by another person has got to be confusing for him.  This has been a situation that arises each time he leaves his mother. 

I encouraged him if he ever has questions to please ask.  He didn't really have questions, just sadness.  When I was small no one ever talked about anything, I don't want him to feel the way I felt.

This is balancing the fragile parts of life.  Being honest, while protecting his love for his parents.

I have always tried to honor them and give D high esteem for his parent's.  I never want him to look down on them for the tough sacrifices they have made. 

Each of them is in recovery.  Each of them is in a good place now.  Each of them has endless opportunities in the future but still a hard road ahead.

I don't know what the future holds. 

I do know that there will be grief, and sadness, and despair..this morning it was over the fact that his superheros weren't in the right place.

TMNT Birthday Blast

 

My boy wanted a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Birthday Party. Now, if you know me, you know I am not a fan of big birthday parties :) I like to keep things simple. Partly because I am not crafty and second because I am cheap.

I started by perusing Pinterest for ideas. After about 10 minutes I thought "I need a ghetto Pinterest" like a Pinterest for moms who don't really want to go all out.  Moms who don't have time to make glitter lame costumes for 9, already too spoiled, kids.  LOL

But seriously, I thought that.

So here is my "low ball" of a party which was perfectly over the top for me.  It was a hit.  It was easy. I was able to plan it in less than 2 weeks all with a little help from my friends. 

Decorations:

Plates for the kids only, and covered a box of straws with wrapping paper

Most expensive decoration was a poster from Target.

I also had this pack of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Swirl decorations. Which IMO was a great purchase because they were cheap, and added punch! Did I mention they were cheap? I somehow didn't get a good pic but here you go
The hangy swirly things

Here is where I went all out...lol but really it was super easy for me.  You may have time to do this yourself...I didn't so I bought them from Etsy :) Don't tell. 
 

I bought the water resistant labels at Office Max (on sale 2 for $20) but you could totally print them on paper and cover with packing tape to protect them.  I went for easy and not cheap on this one.

https://www.etsy.com/listing/175369497/tmnt-water-bottle-label-for-ninja?ref=listing-1

I was impressed with the quality of the work.  However communications broke down at the end when I was trying to change the size to match the labels--but that is my fault for doing it last minute!!! I was doing it on the weekend and I am sure they weren't working. 

iVentureParty also did the cupcake decorations to match the water bottle labels.  (they can do just about any kind of party just fyi)  I just needed cardstock to print them on. Skewers and tape to affix them. Then stuck them in premade cupcakes from Sam's Club.  I didn't even special order-but these were perfect!

I kept the food simple

PIZZA party is a duh for a Ninja Turtle Party

stolen pic downloaded from the internet

Sewer Lids lol
Alternative and possible for my dairy free granddaughter to have a treat

Fruit

Salad for Weight Watchers like me

Games and activities:

Tattoos-so easy and cheap

I wanted to create a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Training Activity where the children were transformed into ninja turtles! I got the idea here: Life is About Using the Whole Box of Crayons

However, I really did my own thing.

I had them roll through "mutagen ooze" (roll on green table cloth) and get sprayed with "mutagen slime" (silly string)

Then sling "sewer lids" (pie pans 3 for $1 at Dollar Tree) int the NYC man hole ($1 oil pan from The Dollar Tree)

Stolen pic from the internet glued to pie pan

Here is where the Pizza Man go there and I forgot to ask someone else to take pics and MISSED EVERYTHING

They had to Sword Fight (used my adult volunteers {technically they were voluntolds} to help train the ninjas)

Then battle with nun-chucks (managed a pic)

 Then they got their mask and shell

There were more kids than this invited but a few were freaked out
by the activities and one family was late 

The masks were my big splurge! I wouldn't normally spend a lot but I looked at this as my gift. 

The person that made then was AWESOME to me!  I am grateful for how quickly she got them to me!

EenieMeenieMinieMo HIGHLY RECOMMEND

Here is the link to the MASKS I purchased.

Some of you crafty folks with time and creativity could make something easily I am sure.

All my supplies
see the baby turtle shells :)

The shells:
to do 9 large shells and 5 baby shells it took
The pans (all from the Dollar Tree)
2 cans of green spray paint
Burlap ribbon (from Hobby Lobby) about 1.5 yard per big kid 1 yard per babe

Thank God I started on the shells early--I spray painted one day. It took several coats with dry time in between.  So give yourself a day on this alone.

Then I took an knife (exacto) and cut a slit (very easy to do) for the ribbon to slide through

I have been dealing with a lot making the party planning difficult.  So thank God for freinds and family that came to help. Cutting cupcake things, sticking labels, finishing the shells.  They were LIFESAVERS!

OVERALL it was a HUGE success!

Nonni & Declan

I bought Declan a TMNT shirt from Wal-Mart. I also bought me a plain green T-shirt from Target to go with the theme.

Happy 5th Birthday Declan! We love you! 

Mother?

"Do I have a mother like what's in that song what we singed at school?"

"What's a mother?"

They were questions out of nowhere, questions I wasn't exactly sure how to answer.  I bumbled out something like "mother is another name for your mommy, mother is also something people do that love you...like Nonni (me) mother's you. Takes care of..nurture...love, like how your mommy loves you too."

I had to know about this song...what in the world was in the song? So, I called his school.

"Tell me about the song about mothers, Declan has some questions and I don't know what he's talking about"

The director of the school sang the song for me and I began to cry...it was emotional to know that the questions were starting already. I knew it would happen, I just wasn't ready for this this soon.

Here are a few lines "What's the nicest thing about your mother?  She cooks and she sews and she washes all my clothes...She bakes cookies just for me and she helps me climb a tree..."

No wonder he was confused, I don't bake, sew or help him climb trees ;) LOL

Then the end said "what's the nicest thing, the very nicest thing... is that she's always there!"  (tears)

I wept with the director on the phone. I asked that she ask the teacher to help the class to know that some people have other people, like grandparents, or other family member that take care of them.  I don't want him to feel like his "family" is wrong.

Declan has a mother. He also has someone that mothers him. He also has grandmothers, neighbors, teachers, and friends who will mother him.      

I feel one of the greatest sacrifices a mother can make is to allow someone else to raise their child.  His mother loves him so much, sacrificially in fact.

Mother's Day has got to be tough for her.  Pray for her, please.

Mother's Day is tough on a lot of people.

Pray for all the moms that made the sacrifice of adoption...and those trying to earn their place back through the foster care system and those that have lost that right.

Pray for those mothering the ones without mothers, step moms, foster moms, aunts, grandmoms and single dads.

Teach your children that there are all sort of families, and there isn't anything "wrong" with someone who is being mothered by someone else.  Teach them to extend mercy not judgement in situations they don't understand.

Pray for those who have lost their mother. Death, illness, separation.

And lastly I think about those who desire to be mothers...and for whatever reason...aren't. Pray for them. That is a very painful situation that makes this holiday extra tough.

Declan and his mother Jan 2014
*picture chosen to protect privacy

Declan & me (Nonni) Feb 2014

This was a card my daughter gave me when she was about 18...I loved the sentiment! It sums up how I feel about Mothers!

I had all kinds of MOTHERS... the beauty of their lives, drives me to live my life beautifully! click the link to go to a blog about them.

I pray that as Declan grows, he will see the beauty in the lives of ALL the different women who love him; appreciate all the different ways he's been mothered and know he is a better man because of it!


***BONUS*** Here he is singing the song!

Superstition

Yesterday. While sitting and enjoying my morning coffee I had a precious little 4yo soaking up some early morning cuddles on my lap.  All of the sudden, the handle on my coffee mug broke and the coffee spilled ALL over.  The preschooler was covered, I was covered and so was my phone.   

I went and took a second shower, used a towel to swab up the mess, took my clothes, though I had half a mind to try and wring the coffee out of them, and threw it al in the wash.  

I went and posted this to facebook:

Hope this isn't an indication of the direction of my day. Coffee handle broke spilling an entire hot cup in my lap.

Now I am not a superstitious person.  I trust the Almighty God.  However, I must admit it creeped into my head.  

See last night I heard from the preschoolers mother.  If you are unaware, I foster a relative of mine and have for 2.5 years.  The mother has had all different levels of contact but for the last year it has been spotty at best.  She has been through a lot and I am sure she IS going through a lot.  

So, as I was trying to drift off.  I as thinking "what if" 
what if the coffee spilling on us was a sign
what if she is going to try to take him back

Now here is where I cry.  This is NO easy thing to explain. I probably won't do the explaining here anyway.  

You see there is a lot I don't know about the future of us and this little boy. People ask me all the time and I can't give them an answer.  See, I want restoration.  I want his mother and father to be healed, healthy, stable and ready to raise this precious little man.  I feel that will not be an easy thing.  

Foster Mom

This made me cry: HERE

Worth

I just spent the morning writing a blog post I will never publish.

Suffice it to say: Raising another person's child is a sacrifice and a privilege.The struggle dealing with other family members (or lack there of) is real, hard, and daunting.

But HE is worth it!

A Three Year Old Gets It

I am fresh out of my 3 year old's room.

We just did bedtime routine: clean up, story time, "What are you thankful for?" and prayers.

During the thankful time we had the most unbelievable conversation, as it was happening I knew it was remarkable, I was so upset that I couldn't turn my camera on and record him for "proof" but my memory was full. 

I am going to try to write it down as clearly as I remember.  I assure you it is close. It is unbelievable even to me that I had this conversation with my three year old, but I did.

D: (touching my shirt) What does dat say?
Me: Both ends burning
D: What does dat mean?
Me: Well, it's about a movie that is helping make sure kids that don't have a home can have one. (very simplified explanation)
D: (wide eyes) They don't have a home?
Me: No, not every child has a home. They need a family.
D: I hab a famiwee
Me: You do. Not every kid does though. 
D: Dat makes me really sad. It makes me feel wike... (tears welling) I am gonna cry
Me: (tears welling about to BURST) (Prayer) Don't worry. God will take care of the children.  See buddy, God purposes in people's heart the right thing to do. Then people are obedient to that feeling and act to make sure the children get a home. Make sure they have a family. (all the while knowing that it isn't that easy--but worth seeing relief on the 3yo face)

D: (with a sense of power) We hab to change dis world! Wets change it. I'm gonna be Spider Man and go off and fight the bad guys and make sure kids hab a home and then (higher pitch) I will fwhy back to my home.
Me:(astounded)

We finished routine and had an extra special prayer time. I am so thankful for this little man teaching me about changing the world.

I walked out of the room after prayer and BURST into tears.

A three year old "gets it" why can't the world?"

Our hero

Please check out BOTH ENDS BURNING
As well as the STUCK Documentary. HERE
The Movie Premier is touring the country and I saw it last night and it was AMAZING!

Seeing Things Differently

*For those who do not know, we foster my cousin.

Recently we were walking down the "toy path" as we tend to do.  I saw a toy that, previously, I would have looked and not thought another thing; but now I looked and shuddered.  It made me sad. I was immediately trying to flash through the next 3-15 years and figure out how I was going to protect a young boy from images like this:

These images are not the actual toys I saw

See, little mister's dad has been arrested.  Dad is facing hard time. Right now we tell D his dad is on a trip.  Eventually he will have to know the truth. Dad is awaiting trial.  It is gut wrenching to imagine what he is going through.  He admits, he did it to himself. Don't worry, he didn't do anything awful. Just broke the law. His choices in the past, compounded with present bad choices are what are making the time add up. 

See, I know that even though he broke man's law;  he is still somebody's dad, son, or grand-son. He is loved. Thought of. Prayed for! If my crimes against God and man were known I could be right there with him!

I do not want D to be exposed to ugly stereotypes that shape who he thinks of as "good and bad." 

Guess what, I realize I can't stop exposure. I can however shape what he thinks of those seen as outcasts, unlovely, low in society, criminals, poor, and needy.  They are LOVED by God and we are to serve.

 “Then the righteous will answer Him, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see You hungry and feed You, or thirsty and give You drink?  When did we see You a stranger and take You in, or naked and clothe You?  Or when did we see You sick, or in prison, and come to You?’ ⁴⁰ And the King will answer and say to them, ‘Assuredly, I say to you, inasmuch as you did it to one of the least of these My brethren, you did it to Me.’ Matthew 25:37-40
Click to see in context

I will do my best to train this young man in the way he should go. I pray for wisdom and tenderness as we face the future.  Every day of the future is uncertain for all of us, but I am assured of WHO shows me the way.

While I have never viewed D's father as my enemy...


This quote truly stopped me:

Miles McPherson via Twitter... "Your love for God is no higher and sincere than your love for your worst enemy. 1John 4:20"

It gives me a lot to think about.  Makes me see things differently.

____________________________________________

Images originated from these sites:
1. http://montclairsoci.blogspot.com/2010/08/flic-dans-le-hood.html
2. http://www.goodtoknow.co.uk/money/galleries/33952/top-10-must-have-toys-2011/5
3. http://www.uwhealth.org/news/trouble-in-toyland/29920

Silly Face

"Nonni take a pichur of my siwy face"

One Year Later

One year ago today, my cousin came to live with us bringing this precious, young man. She left 69 days later. He remains. No idea what my future holds, but I know who holds my future (and his).



 

The crazy thing was that the Lord had already been preparing our family for foster care for quite sometime.  We had even gone to local classes to introduce the "rules" and see if it was right.  Our best friends were pursuing adoption; we knew we were called to foster.

We were not able to foster at the time...but look what God did! He did it anyway. In a way we would have never expected.

It has been a roller coaster, heart wrenching, love enthralling, sacrificial, toddler learning year but God is good! 

What a joy this young man is. 

Pray for his parent's. Pray for us. Pray for the boy of goodness!

I wub cookie

Time

Sometimes so much time passes you can't possibly catch everyone up.

Suffice it to say:

"I will bless the Lord at all times His praise shall continually be in my mouth" Psalm 34:1

I have written 3 posts that are private and will not be shared.  The sort of chronicle some of what has happened. Because this blog is public and what is going on with me lately is private...I can't share. 

I am working on another to share.  It will be vague. 

Bottom line...God is in control.

Prayer is appreciated! 

Just so you know: We have the privileged of getting to love on my little cousin for a while.  He is 2 years old and a joy!  His name means full of goodness, and boy he is!   Not sure how long he will be with us, but we are making the most of our time for sure.

I am getting the honor of going to the zoo, going on play dates, and library story time in the name of LOVE! For that I am so grateful!

I apologize if it seems that I have been absent...I have just had to be silent for a while.   That's unusual ;)