He comes into the kitchen with lip sticking out and tears welling in the bottom of his eyes about to spill out into a flood.
I was caught off guard.
"Why are you crying?"
"I want my mooommyyyyyy" and the tears began to flow.
He sank his face into my thighs and I grabbed him. Oh if the grip of love could stop the pain!
At first, if I am honest, I was sad for me. Here I am day in and day out and she comes into town for the weekend and she gets all the glory.
I stop myself. This is sad. This is loss. This is grief. This is NOT about me.
We had a beautiful visit. I am so proud of the strides his mother has made in her recovery. Thursday will be ONE YEAR drug and alcohol free! What she has gone through has not been easy.
What my foster grandson has gone through and will continue to go through won't be easy either.
We went to his room and he cried on and off for about 15-20 minutes. We cuddled. We talked.
I tried to explain in the simplest ways that his mommy loved him enough to make sure he was taken good care of while she was not stable.
While I want to do everything in my power for him NOT to be sad, I know sadness is a part of life. Grief is a part of life.
Being raised by another person has got to be confusing for him. This has been a situation that arises each time he leaves his mother.
I encouraged him if he ever has questions to please ask. He didn't really have questions, just sadness. When I was small no one ever talked about anything, I don't want him to feel the way I felt.
This is balancing the fragile parts of life. Being honest, while protecting his love for his parents.
I have always tried to honor them and give D high esteem for his parent's. I never want him to look down on them for the tough sacrifices they have made.
Each of them is in recovery. Each of them is in a good place now. Each of them has endless opportunities in the future but still a hard road ahead.
I don't know what the future holds.
I do know that there will be grief, and sadness, and despair..this morning it was over the fact that his superheros weren't in the right place.
Showing posts with label Family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Family. Show all posts
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So, what have I done with this special day?
These may not sound like glamorous things, however in the life of a Caregiver, some of these things have gone undone for weeks, months...Lord I have no idea. Especially the teeth.
Tonight I have plans for dinner with my family. I really wanted my grandpa there, but he is not in a good place right now. I never knew it would be like this.
I am reflecting on my responsibilities and am slightly overwhelmed. I am dissapointed in myself for how I am handling, resenting, and complaining this present season.
Truthfully, I just want some time for me. I just need time to process everything that there is to process. I feel as if I hardly have time to even know what I need to do. I want to blog my emotions, I want to write to help others that are dealing with similar circumstances so they can avoid the pitfalls we've faced, I want to just blog about regular old life.
I need to catch up on paperwork, laundry, cleaning and grocery shop. However, not on this day. This is my day.
Claiming it for me. I do little to nothing for me, I am being selfish! I am caring for me today.
- I had coffee with a neighbor/best friend and tried to catch up in 30 minutes.
- I Facetimed some of my grands.
- I chatted with my mother-in-law and God bless her for listening to me regale her with how awful things are at the moment.
- I read too many articles on Facebook.
- I took a bath so I could shave my legs while wearing my glasses and see those pesky places I miss in the shower.
- I brushed my teeth for over 1 minute.
- I slathered moisturizer over every inch of my skin.
- I took my time getting dressed with no urgency of where I needed to be.
These may not sound like glamorous things, however in the life of a Caregiver, some of these things have gone undone for weeks, months...Lord I have no idea. Especially the teeth.
Tonight I have plans for dinner with my family. I really wanted my grandpa there, but he is not in a good place right now. I never knew it would be like this.
I am reflecting on my responsibilities and am slightly overwhelmed. I am dissapointed in myself for how I am handling, resenting, and complaining this present season.
Truthfully, I just want some time for me. I just need time to process everything that there is to process. I feel as if I hardly have time to even know what I need to do. I want to blog my emotions, I want to write to help others that are dealing with similar circumstances so they can avoid the pitfalls we've faced, I want to just blog about regular old life.
I need to catch up on paperwork, laundry, cleaning and grocery shop. However, not on this day. This is my day.
Claiming it for me. I do little to nothing for me, I am being selfish! I am caring for me today.
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My boy wanted a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Birthday Party. Now, if you
know me, you know I am not a fan of big birthday parties :) I like to
keep things simple. Partly because I am not crafty and second because I
am cheap.
I started by perusing Pinterest for ideas. After about 10 minutes I thought "I need a ghetto Pinterest" like a Pinterest for moms who don't really want to go all out. Moms who don't have time to make glitter lame costumes for 9, already too spoiled, kids. LOL
But seriously, I thought that.
So here is my "low ball" of a party which was perfectly over the top for me. It was a hit. It was easy. I was able to plan it in less than 2 weeks all with a little help from my friends.
Decorations:
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| Plates for the kids only, and covered a box of straws with wrapping paper |
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| Most expensive decoration was a poster from Target. I also had this pack of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Swirl decorations. Which IMO was a great purchase because they were cheap, and added punch! Did I mention they were cheap? I somehow didn't get a good pic but here you go The hangy swirly things
Here is where I went all out...lol but really it was super easy for me.
You may have time to do this yourself...I didn't so I bought them from
Etsy :) Don't tell.
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https://www.etsy.com/listing/175369497/tmnt-water-bottle-label-for-ninja?ref=listing-1
I was impressed with the quality of the work. However communications broke down at the end when I was trying to change the size to match the labels--but that is my fault for doing it last minute!!! I was doing it on the weekend and I am sure they weren't working.
I kept the food simple
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| stolen pic downloaded from the internet |
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| Sewer Lids lol Alternative and possible for my dairy free granddaughter to have a treat |
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| Fruit |
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| Salad for Weight Watchers like me |
Games and activities:
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| Tattoos-so easy and cheap |
I wanted to create a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Training Activity where the children were transformed into ninja turtles! I got the idea here: Life is About Using the Whole Box of Crayons
However, I really did my own thing. I had them roll through "mutagen ooze" (roll on green table cloth) and get sprayed with "mutagen slime" (silly string)
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| Stolen pic from the internet glued to pie pan |
They had to Sword Fight (used my adult volunteers {technically they were voluntolds} to help train the ninjas)
Then battle with nun-chucks (managed a pic)
Then they got their mask and shell
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| There were more kids than this invited but a few were freaked out by the activities and one family was late |
The person that made then was AWESOME to me! I am grateful for how quickly she got them to me!
EenieMeenieMinieMo HIGHLY RECOMMEND
Here is the link to the MASKS I purchased.
Some of you crafty folks with time and creativity could make something easily I am sure.
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| All my supplies see the baby turtle shells :) |
The shells:
to do 9 large shells and 5 baby shells it took
The pans (all from the Dollar Tree)
2 cans of green spray paint
Burlap ribbon (from Hobby Lobby) about 1.5 yard per big kid 1 yard per babe
Thank God I started on the shells early--I spray painted one day. It took several coats with dry time in between. So give yourself a day on this alone.
to do 9 large shells and 5 baby shells it took
The pans (all from the Dollar Tree)
2 cans of green spray paint
Burlap ribbon (from Hobby Lobby) about 1.5 yard per big kid 1 yard per babe
Thank God I started on the shells early--I spray painted one day. It took several coats with dry time in between. So give yourself a day on this alone.
Then I took an knife (exacto) and cut a slit (very easy to do) for the ribbon to slide through
I have been dealing with a lot making the party planning difficult. So thank God for freinds and family that came to help. Cutting cupcake things, sticking labels, finishing the shells. They were LIFESAVERS!
OVERALL it was a HUGE success!
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| Nonni & Declan |
I bought Declan a TMNT shirt from Wal-Mart. I also bought me a plain green T-shirt from Target to go with the theme.
Happy 5th Birthday Declan! We love you!
Happy 5th Birthday Declan! We love you!
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Is this Jenni?
"This is grandpa. Patricia isn't doing well; she is in the hospital and I am not sure how much longer I am going to be here?"
This is one way to start your morning that I would NOT recommend.
I am so conflicted.
Now this isn't the first call like this...so it's hard to know the true gravity of the situation. He sounded bad though.
He wants me to come get the things he wants left to me and my family.
One positive is that his wife, my step-grandmother, won't be there. I know, that's horrible to say. However, I can be nothing but honest when I say "that is a difficult relationship." I love her. I really do. I have learned a lot about grace and mercy and forgiveness in our relationship...but that doesn't mean I want to hang out with her.
How do you do that? How do you go and take things from the living knowing they are dying.
Are there things I want? Sure. More than any thing I want a RIGHT relationship with my grandfather. I want to hear stories again...I want to sit in the shade and listen to military stories...stories of my grandmother, and his youth, and his life, joys struggles, and pain.
I truly feel like the worst granddaughter in the world. How has it been over a year since he has seen his greatgrandaughter?
I am sad. Conflicted.
"This is grandpa. Patricia isn't doing well; she is in the hospital and I am not sure how much longer I am going to be here?"
This is one way to start your morning that I would NOT recommend.
I am so conflicted.
Now this isn't the first call like this...so it's hard to know the true gravity of the situation. He sounded bad though.
He wants me to come get the things he wants left to me and my family.
One positive is that his wife, my step-grandmother, won't be there. I know, that's horrible to say. However, I can be nothing but honest when I say "that is a difficult relationship." I love her. I really do. I have learned a lot about grace and mercy and forgiveness in our relationship...but that doesn't mean I want to hang out with her.
How do you do that? How do you go and take things from the living knowing they are dying.
Are there things I want? Sure. More than any thing I want a RIGHT relationship with my grandfather. I want to hear stories again...I want to sit in the shade and listen to military stories...stories of my grandmother, and his youth, and his life, joys struggles, and pain.
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| April 2013 His granddaughter with her granddaughter. |
I am sad. Conflicted.
"Do I have a mother like what's in that song what we singed at school?"
"What's a mother?"
They were questions out of nowhere, questions I wasn't exactly sure how to answer. I bumbled out something like "mother is another name for your mommy, mother is also something people do that love you...like Nonni (me) mother's you. Takes care of..nurture...love, like how your mommy loves you too."
I had to know about this song...what in the world was in the song? So, I called his school.
"Tell me about the song about mothers, Declan has some questions and I don't know what he's talking about"
The director of the school sang the song for me and I began to cry...it was emotional to know that the questions were starting already. I knew it would happen, I just wasn't ready for this this soon.
Here are a few lines "What's the nicest thing about your mother? She cooks and she sews and she washes all my clothes...She bakes cookies just for me and she helps me climb a tree..."
No wonder he was confused, I don't bake, sew or help him climb trees ;) LOL
Then the end said "what's the nicest thing, the very nicest thing... is that she's always there!" (tears)
I wept with the director on the phone. I asked that she ask the teacher to help the class to know that some people have other people, like grandparents, or other family member that take care of them. I don't want him to feel like his "family" is wrong.
Declan has a mother. He also has someone that mothers him. He also has grandmothers, neighbors, teachers, and friends who will mother him.
I feel one of the greatest sacrifices a mother can make is to allow someone else to raise their child. His mother loves him so much, sacrificially in fact.
Mother's Day has got to be tough for her. Pray for her, please.
Mother's Day is tough on a lot of people.
Pray for all the moms that made the sacrifice of adoption...and those trying to earn their place back through the foster care system and those that have lost that right.
Pray for those mothering the ones without mothers, step moms, foster moms, aunts, grandmoms and single dads.
Teach your children that there are all sort of families, and there isn't anything "wrong" with someone who is being mothered by someone else. Teach them to extend mercy not judgement in situations they don't understand.
Pray for those who have lost their mother. Death, illness, separation.
And lastly I think about those who desire to be mothers...and for whatever reason...aren't. Pray for them. That is a very painful situation that makes this holiday extra tough.
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| Declan and his mother Jan 2014 *picture chosen to protect privacy |
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| Declan & me (Nonni) Feb 2014 |
This was a card my daughter gave me when she was about 18...I loved the sentiment! It sums up how I feel about Mothers!
I had all kinds of MOTHERS... the beauty of their lives, drives me to live my life beautifully! click the link to go to a blog about them.
I pray that as Declan grows, he will see the beauty in the lives of ALL the different women who love him; appreciate all the different ways he's been mothered and know he is a better man because of it!
***BONUS*** Here he is singing the song!
Sometimes when you say the least it is when you have the most going on.
I hate that I haven't blogged more. I would really like to look back and see how far I've come. However, I can't.
There is a lot going on in my family. Quite frankly, it's private. However, I want to jot down a few thoughts before they escape me.
1. God is in control.
2. I am trusting God.
3. I trust life to make it abundantly clear the path that should be chosen.
4. I look into the future and imagine worst case scenarios, I need to stop.
5. One day at a time.
6. Grief sucks.
7. Worship is life.
8. Repentance is necessary .
9. Redemption is real.
10. Love covers a multitude of sins.
Something I am focusing on for myself:
If you are a Christian and you are dealing with enslaving habits, it's not enough to say, "Bad Christian, stop it." And it is not enough to beat yourself up or merely try harder and harder and harder.
The real reason that you're having a problem with an enslaving habit is because you are not tasting God. I'm not talking about believing God or even obeying God, I'm saying tasting — tasting God.
The secret to freedom from enslaving patterns of sin is worship. You need worship. You need great worship. You need weeping worship. You need glorious worship. You need to sense God’s greatness and to be moved by it — moved to tears and moved to laughter — moved by who God is and what he has done for you. And this needs to be happening all the time.
This type of worship is the only thing that can replace the little if only fire burning in your heart. We need a new fire that says, “If only I saw the Lord. If only he was close to my heart. If only I could feel him to be as great as I know him to be. If only I could taste his grace as sweet as I know it to be.”
And when that if only fire is burning in your heart, then you are free.~~TIM KELLER
More can be found here: http://www.desiringgod.org/blog/posts/fighting-sin-with-worship
Thinking about WORSHIP makes me think of my son, I love when he leads me in worship---someday again soon I pray.
)
I hate that I haven't blogged more. I would really like to look back and see how far I've come. However, I can't.
There is a lot going on in my family. Quite frankly, it's private. However, I want to jot down a few thoughts before they escape me.
1. God is in control.
2. I am trusting God.
3. I trust life to make it abundantly clear the path that should be chosen.
4. I look into the future and imagine worst case scenarios, I need to stop.
5. One day at a time.
6. Grief sucks.
7. Worship is life.
8. Repentance is necessary .
9. Redemption is real.
10. Love covers a multitude of sins.
Something I am focusing on for myself:
If you are a Christian and you are dealing with enslaving habits, it's not enough to say, "Bad Christian, stop it." And it is not enough to beat yourself up or merely try harder and harder and harder.
The real reason that you're having a problem with an enslaving habit is because you are not tasting God. I'm not talking about believing God or even obeying God, I'm saying tasting — tasting God.
The secret to freedom from enslaving patterns of sin is worship. You need worship. You need great worship. You need weeping worship. You need glorious worship. You need to sense God’s greatness and to be moved by it — moved to tears and moved to laughter — moved by who God is and what he has done for you. And this needs to be happening all the time.
This type of worship is the only thing that can replace the little if only fire burning in your heart. We need a new fire that says, “If only I saw the Lord. If only he was close to my heart. If only I could feel him to be as great as I know him to be. If only I could taste his grace as sweet as I know it to be.”
And when that if only fire is burning in your heart, then you are free.~~TIM KELLER
More can be found here: http://www.desiringgod.org/blog/posts/fighting-sin-with-worship
Thinking about WORSHIP makes me think of my son, I love when he leads me in worship---someday again soon I pray.
This year all I wanted was TIME!
Time with my entire family under the same roof.
One-on-one time with my son.
Time with individuals I love.
Time is flying and I am thankful for each and everyday!
Things you may fail to appreciate:
1. I got every member of my family in one or more photos at a family function.
2. I believe Chris was fake-picking his nose in the photobomb. My head ruins it.
3. Can you find Chris?
4. My grandkids (of which I count Declan as well) are the freaking cutest kids ever!
5. Even blurry photos are awesome when they are of people you love.
6. My life is good.
Time with my entire family under the same roof.
One-on-one time with my son.
Time with individuals I love.
Time is flying and I am thankful for each and everyday!
1. I got every member of my family in one or more photos at a family function.
2. I believe Chris was fake-picking his nose in the photobomb. My head ruins it.
3. Can you find Chris?
4. My grandkids (of which I count Declan as well) are the freaking cutest kids ever!
5. Even blurry photos are awesome when they are of people you love.
6. My life is good.
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Today is a significant day for me. See, 4 years ago, this day, I sat alone with God and wrote my heart out in a journal. It would be the eve of my stroke, but obviously I didn't know that at the time.
It's long, but it's a story that I hope those that love me will take the time to read. Especially those new to my life. Honestly, it has made me who I am today.
This was written 3 years ago on the 1 year anniversary of my 1st stroke.
Click here-The HEART of it~10/28/2009
Update 2012
***10/27 which would be the eve of my stroke and significant for me because it's when I wrote my journal entry.
I am sitting here preparing for the rivalry Florida Georgia Game today. Our family is gathering. My son-in-love is smoking meat and all of my family will be there; extended in-laws and friends as well. I can't help thinking how RICH my life is. I have a brand new precious grand-daughter. We are foster parents to a 3 year old blessing. We are second-grandparents to 2 precious joys with another on the way. Our son is growing into a man. Our lives are blessed! I have since had another stroke that did leave me with some health problems that I have battled. I am fighting the "thorn in my flesh" , of depression with suicidal ideation, with medication and the WORD OF GOD! It has not been an easy journey. It is a journey, though, that I thank God every day that I get to make!
Looking at this image I think, I would have never seen my daughter marry. I would have never seen ANY of these babies had God given me my way. The truth is, I didn't WANT to die. I suffer from an illness. It's a battle that I fight. Though I do not have to fight alone...look at the good things the Lord has done!
"The next time I would return to that journal would be post stroke, post hospital stay, post realizing I had a brush with death. I could not even face what I wrote on the eve of my stroke for weeks. I knew. I knew that I had wanted to die but GOD had allowed me to live." Expert from blog listed below.
It's long, but it's a story that I hope those that love me will take the time to read. Especially those new to my life. Honestly, it has made me who I am today.
This was written 3 years ago on the 1 year anniversary of my 1st stroke.
Click here-The HEART of it~10/28/2009
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| We were posing and the guys thought it would be funny to tip the pew! So "MY" family! |
Update 2012
***10/27 which would be the eve of my stroke and significant for me because it's when I wrote my journal entry.
I am sitting here preparing for the rivalry Florida Georgia Game today. Our family is gathering. My son-in-love is smoking meat and all of my family will be there; extended in-laws and friends as well. I can't help thinking how RICH my life is. I have a brand new precious grand-daughter. We are foster parents to a 3 year old blessing. We are second-grandparents to 2 precious joys with another on the way. Our son is growing into a man. Our lives are blessed! I have since had another stroke that did leave me with some health problems that I have battled. I am fighting the "thorn in my flesh" , of depression with suicidal ideation, with medication and the WORD OF GOD! It has not been an easy journey. It is a journey, though, that I thank God every day that I get to make!
Looking at this image I think, I would have never seen my daughter marry. I would have never seen ANY of these babies had God given me my way. The truth is, I didn't WANT to die. I suffer from an illness. It's a battle that I fight. Though I do not have to fight alone...look at the good things the Lord has done!
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This morning was filled with TONS of laughter! My husband, as usual, surprised me with remembering Valentines Day. Each year, I think he's forgotten, each year he remembers. Shocker! Oh me of little faith.
Well, imagine his surprise when my son took the candy placed my my card and put it with his Valentine to me. HAHA!
Son also wrote: "The candy was my idea XOXOXo
I love you more than dad does XOXO"WELL, Hubby sent SON this video for his Valentine!
My boys always make life HILARIOUS!
A few other memories!
Here is what I made hubby!
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| Declan made Valentines to share! |
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| The grands made this for their daddy! |
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| and while this isn't my Valentine-I am excited! Expected July/Aug 2012 |
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I had a very scary experience yesterday. Trying to decide if you call 911, go to the ER or wait it out was no fun. I decided to wait and see how I felt...
On the way to dinner all I could think is "IF I HAD ONLY A FEW HOURS TO LIVE HOW WOULD I SPEND THEM?"
It's amazing how a woman's brain works and here is a small peek at what I am willing to admit publicly about my crazy thoughts yesterday.
We had about a 10 minute drive to dinner-
"this could be the last time my kids get to spend with me"
Hunter, who was just making conversation, was commenting about how I take more pictures of Zeke and Declan than I ever did of him. I tried to explain that technology is different these days, and he dismissed me saying "you don't love me as much as them" He was just being silly...maybe a little serious, but he wasn't being mean...but it hurt! I said (not so nicely) aloud "that if we are really trying to make me feel bad let's start talking about homesechooling" and I began to cry silently thinking..."this may be the last conversation we have."
After crying I was looking for a napkin and we found one and I flipped down the visor mirror and caught a glimpse of what I looked like; I thought: "Geesh I could have made myself cuter cause surely I will want Brit to take a picture with her Iphone (since my camera is dead-boo hoo) but man I look like crap, you would think if you were going out on your last night to be alive you would at least do your make up."
I was thinking that "on the way home I want to stop by Chris & Brittany's to see them and kiss the babies because what if I died. I would want them to know that I love them. I would want to laugh and smile with them one last time. I reasoned: it would be too late when we came home, the kids would be in bed, I didn't want to interrupt and really I am fine. But what IF?"
While at dinner-
We were with Brit & Clay, and a family friend Matt, I had a few thoughts-
"I should get something really good because this could be my last meal" "I really don't feel like eating...but if I go to the hospital the food will stink so I should eat something" "Do I want this to be my last meal" hahah I am telling you, at this point, I am really amusing myself with it all!
"Brit should take a picture, even though I look ugly, but I am embarrassed to ask, and I am just being ridiculous, so no I won't ask"
We had a very nice time. I love spending time with my family. Just a simple time of sweetness.
While leaving the restaurant, it was raining, Brit was going to wait on Clay to get the car he was handing her his drink and stuff and we were going to make a break for it...while making a break for it I got upset because I FORGOT I was about to die! As I was running in the rain was thinking "I should have hugged and kissed them goodbye. Man, should I run back, that might seem dumb, I mean I said I love you right, did I say I love you?, damn I could die and not hugged my daughter goodbye." I thought about crying but was too pissed at myself for letting the moment be missed!
We get home-
At this point my bestest, most greatest, sister-friend, in the whole-wide-world texts me to check on me and make sure I am still alive. We go back and forth about a few amusing things in life..that really aren't that amusing.
We are just doing normal things, being a normal family, and I am in bed when Hunter comes to, usually, tell me Goodnight. As he leaves I think..."I wish i would have trained him to kiss me every night" another missed moment.
Hubby comes to bed and I think "should I" ..."I mean it could be the last night I am alive." LOL
THIS MORNING-
It's a new dawn, it's a new day! I am ALIVE! I sent this via text to the few that knew what was going on.
I go in to kiss my husband, hug him tight and I say "Look I'm alive. I'm fine. I am so glad I did not go to the hospital" he says "I am still not so sure that was the right decision and I think you probably should at least go to the doctor"
"But I feel fine!" "Famous last words" I think.
See yesterday I had a really scary experience. I am not sure what happened medically. Based on my description of the events I should "seek emergency medical attention." It didn't even explain anything--just SEEK EMERGENCY MEDICAL ATTENTION! I am not going to describe the event because that is not the point of the post.
I try to reason that maybe God is trying to remind me of something He taught me through my STROKE 3 years ago. I wanted to remind myself, and all 2 or my readers, that YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN YOUR TIME WILL BE!
We should consider the days. Moments. People! We are all going to die! 100% chance! Are you living the way you want to live?
If I haven't told you that I love you: I LOVE YOU!
If I haven't told you how much your friendship means to me: IT MEANS A LOT!
If I follow your blog, I probably read it a lot of times and don't comment: I'M SORRY!
YOU NEVER KNOW, THIS COULD BE THE LAST BLOG I'LL EVER WRITE!
On the way to dinner all I could think is "IF I HAD ONLY A FEW HOURS TO LIVE HOW WOULD I SPEND THEM?"
It's amazing how a woman's brain works and here is a small peek at what I am willing to admit publicly about my crazy thoughts yesterday.
We had about a 10 minute drive to dinner-
"this could be the last time my kids get to spend with me"
Hunter, who was just making conversation, was commenting about how I take more pictures of Zeke and Declan than I ever did of him. I tried to explain that technology is different these days, and he dismissed me saying "you don't love me as much as them" He was just being silly...maybe a little serious, but he wasn't being mean...but it hurt! I said (not so nicely) aloud "that if we are really trying to make me feel bad let's start talking about homesechooling" and I began to cry silently thinking..."this may be the last conversation we have."
After crying I was looking for a napkin and we found one and I flipped down the visor mirror and caught a glimpse of what I looked like; I thought: "Geesh I could have made myself cuter cause surely I will want Brit to take a picture with her Iphone (since my camera is dead-boo hoo) but man I look like crap, you would think if you were going out on your last night to be alive you would at least do your make up."
I was thinking that "on the way home I want to stop by Chris & Brittany's to see them and kiss the babies because what if I died. I would want them to know that I love them. I would want to laugh and smile with them one last time. I reasoned: it would be too late when we came home, the kids would be in bed, I didn't want to interrupt and really I am fine. But what IF?"
While at dinner-
We were with Brit & Clay, and a family friend Matt, I had a few thoughts-
"I should get something really good because this could be my last meal" "I really don't feel like eating...but if I go to the hospital the food will stink so I should eat something" "Do I want this to be my last meal" hahah I am telling you, at this point, I am really amusing myself with it all!
"Brit should take a picture, even though I look ugly, but I am embarrassed to ask, and I am just being ridiculous, so no I won't ask"
We had a very nice time. I love spending time with my family. Just a simple time of sweetness.
While leaving the restaurant, it was raining, Brit was going to wait on Clay to get the car he was handing her his drink and stuff and we were going to make a break for it...while making a break for it I got upset because I FORGOT I was about to die! As I was running in the rain was thinking "I should have hugged and kissed them goodbye. Man, should I run back, that might seem dumb, I mean I said I love you right, did I say I love you?, damn I could die and not hugged my daughter goodbye." I thought about crying but was too pissed at myself for letting the moment be missed!
We get home-
At this point my bestest, most greatest, sister-friend, in the whole-wide-world texts me to check on me and make sure I am still alive. We go back and forth about a few amusing things in life..that really aren't that amusing.
We are just doing normal things, being a normal family, and I am in bed when Hunter comes to, usually, tell me Goodnight. As he leaves I think..."I wish i would have trained him to kiss me every night" another missed moment.
Hubby comes to bed and I think "should I" ..."I mean it could be the last night I am alive." LOL
THIS MORNING-
It's a new dawn, it's a new day! I am ALIVE! I sent this via text to the few that knew what was going on.
I go in to kiss my husband, hug him tight and I say "Look I'm alive. I'm fine. I am so glad I did not go to the hospital" he says "I am still not so sure that was the right decision and I think you probably should at least go to the doctor"
"But I feel fine!" "Famous last words" I think.
See yesterday I had a really scary experience. I am not sure what happened medically. Based on my description of the events I should "seek emergency medical attention." It didn't even explain anything--just SEEK EMERGENCY MEDICAL ATTENTION! I am not going to describe the event because that is not the point of the post.
I try to reason that maybe God is trying to remind me of something He taught me through my STROKE 3 years ago. I wanted to remind myself, and all 2 or my readers, that YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN YOUR TIME WILL BE!
We should consider the days. Moments. People! We are all going to die! 100% chance! Are you living the way you want to live?
"Since everything here today might well be gone tomorrow, do you see how essential it is to live a holy life? Daily expect the Day of God, eager for its arrival. The galaxies will burn up and the elements melt down that day—but we'll hardly notice. We'll be looking the other way, ready for the promised new heavens and the promised new earth, all landscaped with righteousness." 2 Peter 3:11-12 MSG 2 Peter 3 in contextI am going to call my doctor and try to live my life a lot more purposefully and intentionally than I have been living. Until I forget that I might be dying and the Lord reminds me again because I am slow!It seems to be a cycle.
If I haven't told you that I love you: I LOVE YOU!
If I haven't told you how much your friendship means to me: IT MEANS A LOT!
If I follow your blog, I probably read it a lot of times and don't comment: I'M SORRY!
YOU NEVER KNOW, THIS COULD BE THE LAST BLOG I'LL EVER WRITE!
Comments: (3)
I am preparing to die. Not literally, though you never know. Figuratively...which I should practice daily! Dying to my self. Dying to my selfish desires; no matter how pure my motives might be.
and this gives me HOPE!
says your God.
2 Speak tenderly to Jerusalem,
and proclaim to her
that her hard service has been completed,
that her sin has been paid for,
that she has received from the LORD’s hand
double for all her sins. 3 A voice of one calling:
“In the wilderness prepare
the way for the LORD[a];
make straight in the desert
a highway for our God.[b]
4 Every valley shall be raised up,
every mountain and hill made low;
the rough ground shall become level,
the rugged places a plain.
5 And the glory of the LORD will be revealed,
and all people will see it together.
For the mouth of the LORD has spoken.”
6 A voice says, “Cry out.”
And I said, “What shall I cry?”
“All people are like grass,
and all their faithfulness is like the flowers of the field.
7 The grass withers and the flowers fall,
because the breath of the LORD blows on them.
Surely the people are grass.
8 The grass withers and the flowers fall,
but the word of our God endures forever.”
9 You who bring good news to Zion,
go up on a high mountain.
You who bring good news to Jerusalem,[c]
lift up your voice with a shout,
lift it up, do not be afraid;
say to the towns of Judah,
“Here is your God!”
10 See, the Sovereign LORD comes with power,
and he rules with a mighty arm.
See, his reward is with him,
and his recompense accompanies him.
11 He tends his flock like a shepherd:
He gathers the lambs in his arms
and carries them close to his heart;
he gently leads those that have young.
12 Who has measured the waters in the hollow of his hand,
or with the breadth of his hand marked off the heavens?
Who has held the dust of the earth in a basket,
or weighed the mountains on the scales
and the hills in a balance?
13 Who can fathom the Spirit[d] of the LORD,
or instruct the LORD as his counselor?
14 Whom did the LORD consult to enlighten him,
and who taught him the right way?
Who was it that taught him knowledge,
or showed him the path of understanding?
15 Surely the nations are like a drop in a bucket;
they are regarded as dust on the scales;
he weighs the islands as though they were fine dust.
16 Lebanon is not sufficient for altar fires,
nor its animals enough for burnt offerings.
17 Before him all the nations are as nothing;
they are regarded by him as worthless
and less than nothing.
18 With whom, then, will you compare God?
To what image will you liken him?
19 As for an idol, a metalworker casts it,
and a goldsmith overlays it with gold
and fashions silver chains for it.
20 A person too poor to present such an offering
selects wood that will not rot;
they look for a skilled worker
to set up an idol that will not topple.
21 Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
Has it not been told you from the beginning?
Have you not understood since the earth was founded?
22 He sits enthroned above the circle of the earth,
and its people are like grasshoppers.
He stretches out the heavens like a canopy,
and spreads them out like a tent to live in.
23 He brings princes to naught
and reduces the rulers of this world to nothing.
24 No sooner are they planted,
no sooner are they sown,
no sooner do they take root in the ground,
than he blows on them and they wither,
and a whirlwind sweeps them away like chaff.
25 “To whom will you compare me?
Or who is my equal?” says the Holy One.
26 Lift up your eyes and look to the heavens:
Who created all these?
He who brings out the starry host one by one
and calls forth each of them by name.
Because of his great power and mighty strength,
not one of them is missing.
27 Why do you complain, Jacob?
Why do you say, Israel,
“My way is hidden from the LORD;
my cause is disregarded by my God”?
28 Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.
29 He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
30 Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
31 but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.
and this gives me HOPE!
Isaiah 40
New International Version (NIV)
Comfort for God’s People
1 Comfort, comfort my people,says your God.
2 Speak tenderly to Jerusalem,
and proclaim to her
that her hard service has been completed,
that her sin has been paid for,
that she has received from the LORD’s hand
double for all her sins. 3 A voice of one calling:
“In the wilderness prepare
the way for the LORD[a];
make straight in the desert
a highway for our God.[b]
4 Every valley shall be raised up,
every mountain and hill made low;
the rough ground shall become level,
the rugged places a plain.
5 And the glory of the LORD will be revealed,
and all people will see it together.
For the mouth of the LORD has spoken.”
6 A voice says, “Cry out.”
And I said, “What shall I cry?”
“All people are like grass,
and all their faithfulness is like the flowers of the field.
7 The grass withers and the flowers fall,
because the breath of the LORD blows on them.
Surely the people are grass.
8 The grass withers and the flowers fall,
but the word of our God endures forever.”
9 You who bring good news to Zion,
go up on a high mountain.
You who bring good news to Jerusalem,[c]
lift up your voice with a shout,
lift it up, do not be afraid;
say to the towns of Judah,
“Here is your God!”
10 See, the Sovereign LORD comes with power,
and he rules with a mighty arm.
See, his reward is with him,
and his recompense accompanies him.
11 He tends his flock like a shepherd:
He gathers the lambs in his arms
and carries them close to his heart;
he gently leads those that have young.
12 Who has measured the waters in the hollow of his hand,
or with the breadth of his hand marked off the heavens?
Who has held the dust of the earth in a basket,
or weighed the mountains on the scales
and the hills in a balance?
13 Who can fathom the Spirit[d] of the LORD,
or instruct the LORD as his counselor?
14 Whom did the LORD consult to enlighten him,
and who taught him the right way?
Who was it that taught him knowledge,
or showed him the path of understanding?
15 Surely the nations are like a drop in a bucket;
they are regarded as dust on the scales;
he weighs the islands as though they were fine dust.
16 Lebanon is not sufficient for altar fires,
nor its animals enough for burnt offerings.
17 Before him all the nations are as nothing;
they are regarded by him as worthless
and less than nothing.
18 With whom, then, will you compare God?
To what image will you liken him?
19 As for an idol, a metalworker casts it,
and a goldsmith overlays it with gold
and fashions silver chains for it.
20 A person too poor to present such an offering
selects wood that will not rot;
they look for a skilled worker
to set up an idol that will not topple.
21 Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
Has it not been told you from the beginning?
Have you not understood since the earth was founded?
22 He sits enthroned above the circle of the earth,
and its people are like grasshoppers.
He stretches out the heavens like a canopy,
and spreads them out like a tent to live in.
23 He brings princes to naught
and reduces the rulers of this world to nothing.
24 No sooner are they planted,
no sooner are they sown,
no sooner do they take root in the ground,
than he blows on them and they wither,
and a whirlwind sweeps them away like chaff.
25 “To whom will you compare me?
Or who is my equal?” says the Holy One.
26 Lift up your eyes and look to the heavens:
Who created all these?
He who brings out the starry host one by one
and calls forth each of them by name.
Because of his great power and mighty strength,
not one of them is missing.
27 Why do you complain, Jacob?
Why do you say, Israel,
“My way is hidden from the LORD;
my cause is disregarded by my God”?
28 Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.
29 He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
30 Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
31 but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.
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I know better than to give him so much apple juice.
Though I hate when he is sad that he can't have juice and he whines and wants "apppple duice" {holding his cup toward me bouncing, begging}. I give him juice.
I didn't say no and make him have something else that he needed, water.
Well, today he pays the consequence for his choice, and my inability to say no, and he suffers.
Consequently we have the same battle happening on a much greater level with my 17 year old.
We haven't always told him NO when needed! When we needed to and we let him get away with privileges when he deserved discipline. We allowed him to watch things, listen to things and participate in other things that aren't in his best interest.
Now we are all feeling the burn.
It stinks to watch those you love suffer not only consequences of their own choices, but consequences for your own sin as well.
It burns. I wince. It makes me want to cry because I don't know how long it will take to heal.
As I rub diaper cream on the hiney, and the Word of God on my heart, I will wait for the Lord to heal us all.
Comments: (2)
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| Click here to go to image site |
Stack of messy business cards on your counter? I'll straighten them.
See a spot, will scrub!
Right now, I am dealing with a mess I can't clean up.
Believe me I want to get out a bucket of bleach and scrub the mess out of it! I want to get oxyclean, fabuloso and go nuts on it! I want to wash it white as snow.
but I can't.
Unless the Lord washes it clean...it won't be clean. It's a matter of heart!
33 "Either make the tree good, and its fruit good; or make the tree bad, and its fruit bad; for the tree is known by its fruit. 34 You brood of vipers! How can you speak good things, when you are evil? For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. 35 The good person brings good things out of a good treasure, and the evil person brings evil things out of an evil treasure. 36 I tell you, on the day of judgment you will have to give an account for every careless word you utter; 37 for by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned." 38 Then some of the scribes and Pharisees said to him, "Teacher, we wish to see a sign from you." 39 But he answered them, "An evil and adulterous generation asks for a sign, but no sign will be given to it except the sign of the prophet Jonah. 40 For just as Jonah was three days and three nights in the belly of the sea monster, so for three days and three nights the Son of Man will be in the heart of the earth. 41 The people of Nineveh will rise up at the judgment with this generation and condemn it, because they repented at the proclamation of Jonah, and see, something greater than Jonah is here!
Matthew 12
Trusting the Lord to do what only He can, and pray I am found faithful in the waiting!
1 Unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labor in vain. Unless the Lord guards the city, the guard keeps watch in vain. 2 It is in vain that you rise up early and go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil; for he gives sleep to his beloved. 3 Sons are indeed a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. 4 Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the sons of one's youth. 5 Happy is the man who has his quiver full of them. He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.
Psalm 127
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I feel like I am watching a person starve to death. I feel so unequipped even though I have lived through never starving to death. I want to say to them "hydrate, nourish, rest" these are the things you do to be well. I talk about the Lord and how the Lord delivered me from starving to death before ever having to actually starve. Then the person I am trying to help just doesn't do the suggested things. Just sits. and starves.
There comes a point where you have to simply let the starving person starve until they are ready to eat for themselves.
I can't put food in their mouth.
I tried to lift their head and feed them, I tried to say "try this it will help." The beauty of starving won them over. Maybe they ask themselves "How can I be happy full...I need to starve to not feel this pain."
Maybe starving to death isn't that bad...surely I don't know and could never understand {hint of sarcasm}. Maybe it is better with a swollen belly full of worms and being so sick that you can't lift your head.
I have had friends share with my starving friend how they have starved or someone they love has starved to death. It's not enough to stop the starving.
On Sunday I was wrecked with grief over the starving and how do I get my loved one to eat. I praised the Lord. Fell to the floor and worshiped. When being taught through the book of Ecclesiastes when I heard this verse....i wept. and couldn't stop.
18 For with much wisdom comes much sorrow;
the more knowledge, the more grief.
You see I had never really ever sat in this place before trying to help a starving person. My husband was malnourished and very sick and I watched God deliver him from starvation. I was on the verge of starving. Now I know about starvation. I have witnessed it first hand. I will never be the same. I have more sorrow and more grief. It's isn't because of the starving person...it's because starvation is sin.
I asked friends on facebook: What would you do if you encountered a starving person?
Life isn't always logical. Sometime the starving person wants to starve.
1 Corinthians 6:12-20: Scripture in context
It is difficult to see someone we love suffer. We want to rescue them. Truth is, they can't be rescued until they realize they need rescuing.
Thankful that I have been rescued!
Praying for rescue for my starving one.
There comes a point where you have to simply let the starving person starve until they are ready to eat for themselves.
I can't put food in their mouth.
I tried to lift their head and feed them, I tried to say "try this it will help." The beauty of starving won them over. Maybe they ask themselves "How can I be happy full...I need to starve to not feel this pain."
Maybe starving to death isn't that bad...surely I don't know and could never understand {hint of sarcasm}. Maybe it is better with a swollen belly full of worms and being so sick that you can't lift your head.
I have had friends share with my starving friend how they have starved or someone they love has starved to death. It's not enough to stop the starving.
On Sunday I was wrecked with grief over the starving and how do I get my loved one to eat. I praised the Lord. Fell to the floor and worshiped. When being taught through the book of Ecclesiastes when I heard this verse....i wept. and couldn't stop.
18 For with much wisdom comes much sorrow;
the more knowledge, the more grief.
You see I had never really ever sat in this place before trying to help a starving person. My husband was malnourished and very sick and I watched God deliver him from starvation. I was on the verge of starving. Now I know about starvation. I have witnessed it first hand. I will never be the same. I have more sorrow and more grief. It's isn't because of the starving person...it's because starvation is sin.
I asked friends on facebook: What would you do if you encountered a starving person?
- answer #1: Feed him both food and the Word of God.
- answer #2: Feed him ♥
Life isn't always logical. Sometime the starving person wants to starve.
“I have the right to do anything,” you say—but not everything is beneficial. “I have the right to do anything”—but I will not be mastered by anything. You say, “Food for the stomach and the stomach for food, and God will destroy them both.”
Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.
1 Corinthians 6:12-20: Scripture in context
It is difficult to see someone we love suffer. We want to rescue them. Truth is, they can't be rescued until they realize they need rescuing.
The Rescue
All praise to the God and Father of our Master, Jesus the Messiah! Father of all mercy! God of all healing counsel! He comes alongside us when we go through hard times, and before you know it, he brings us alongside someone else who is going through hard times so that we can be there for that person just as God was there for us. We have plenty of hard times that come from following the Messiah, but no more so than the good times of his healing comfort—we get a full measure of that, too.
When we suffer for Jesus, it works out for your healing and salvation. If we are treated well, given a helping hand and encouraging word, that also works to your benefit, spurring you on, face forward, unflinching. Your hard times are also our hard times. When we see that you're just as willing to endure the hard times as to enjoy the good times, we know you're going to make it, no doubt about it.
We don't want you in the dark, friends, about how hard it was when all this came down on us in Asia province. It was so bad we didn't think we were going to make it. We felt like we'd been sent to death row, that it was all over for us. As it turned out, it was the best thing that could have happened. Instead of trusting in our own strength or wits to get out of it, we were forced to trust God totally—not a bad idea since he's the God who raises the dead! And he did it, rescued us from certain doom. And he'll do it again, rescuing us as many times as we need rescuing.
2 Cor 1:3-11 MSG in context
Thankful that I have been rescued!
Praying for rescue for my starving one.
Job 23:12
New King James Version (NKJV)
12 I have not departed from the commandment of His lips;
I have treasured the words of His mouth
More than my necessary food.
I have treasured the words of His mouth
More than my necessary food.
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This is what is said before anyone speaks in a12-step meeting I attend. While I am NOT (only caps so rumors don't start) addicted to narcotics, and not presently addicted to any harmful drugs, I have my own addictions.
A good friend said I was addicted the the Word of the Lord :) Alleluia! While I know there have been times I have needed God's Word more than food. Not sure I would define it as more than a crackhead needed his crack but I WISH I was more addicted!
It's difficult to explain what the Lord is doing in my life right now.
The best way I can describe it is I feel like a seed that has been in the ground for sometime, being dormant, watered, fertile but it's all getting ready to burst forth and I don't know what kind of plant I will be but I know it will be beautiful, glorious, Jesus loving plant :)
See, many who know about my recent family addition of having my cousin who is in recovery live with me, praise me. UGH! It's not me! It's HE! For those of you that didn't know...now you know.
Every week I sit in Narcotics Anonymous meetings and marvel at how the "church" should be more like this. Truth is it is a church of sorts. Secret is: I LOVE IT! I am not addicted to narcotics, but I have issues. Being there helps me. I love real life! True stories. Seeing God save the lost. I tell my cousin, you think we are there for you...but it's for me too. The Lord has something here for me. I am getting healing. Hope.
I have a reluctance to share, and a quietness (surprise) in my Spirit, to protect what the Lord is doing in my life because of those that have "opinions".
I am scared sometimes at the lack of answers I have about what the Lord is doing...but JUST FOR TODAY...is all I have to deal with.
I am sad that I sometimes have to say no to things because our schedule doesn't allow for it...but I would rather be a part of what God is doing then be a part of what I want to do.
I am sad that I can't be two places at once. I love my family at SRCC, but I have to be where the Lord leads.
I am happy that everyday I have another chance to get to be LOVE. and try to model Jesus for another person to see. even when I fail, fall, and flounder i tried.
I am loving getting to share to journey...hard times, good times, redemptive times with a family member and i realize I don't share enough about where I have been. I think I may have forgot. It's nice that this time is helping me remember what the LORD has done!
See, when people praise me/us for what we are doing I realize they don't get it. No offense. I have no choice, but Christ. I think of Katie, and she gets a ton of praise, but I know her heart is for Jesus. Mine too.
How can I not? How can I not help someone, help themselves. How can I sit in my safe-pretty-little-Christian life and NOT be active in what Jesus is trying to do?
Yes, I feel like I am losing my life. that is a GOOD thing!
The Lord is opening my eyes to a whole new world. I am grateful! I like to think my prayers helped someone. If even only me.
A good friend said I was addicted the the Word of the Lord :) Alleluia! While I know there have been times I have needed God's Word more than food. Not sure I would define it as more than a crackhead needed his crack but I WISH I was more addicted!
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| Click here to be taken to the NA site if you need more information |
The best way I can describe it is I feel like a seed that has been in the ground for sometime, being dormant, watered, fertile but it's all getting ready to burst forth and I don't know what kind of plant I will be but I know it will be beautiful, glorious, Jesus loving plant :)
See, many who know about my recent family addition of having my cousin who is in recovery live with me, praise me. UGH! It's not me! It's HE! For those of you that didn't know...now you know.
Every week I sit in Narcotics Anonymous meetings and marvel at how the "church" should be more like this. Truth is it is a church of sorts. Secret is: I LOVE IT! I am not addicted to narcotics, but I have issues. Being there helps me. I love real life! True stories. Seeing God save the lost. I tell my cousin, you think we are there for you...but it's for me too. The Lord has something here for me. I am getting healing. Hope.
I have a reluctance to share, and a quietness (surprise) in my Spirit, to protect what the Lord is doing in my life because of those that have "opinions".
I am scared sometimes at the lack of answers I have about what the Lord is doing...but JUST FOR TODAY...is all I have to deal with.
I am sad that I sometimes have to say no to things because our schedule doesn't allow for it...but I would rather be a part of what God is doing then be a part of what I want to do.
I am sad that I can't be two places at once. I love my family at SRCC, but I have to be where the Lord leads.
I am happy that everyday I have another chance to get to be LOVE. and try to model Jesus for another person to see. even when I fail, fall, and flounder i tried.
I am loving getting to share to journey...hard times, good times, redemptive times with a family member and i realize I don't share enough about where I have been. I think I may have forgot. It's nice that this time is helping me remember what the LORD has done!
See, when people praise me/us for what we are doing I realize they don't get it. No offense. I have no choice, but Christ. I think of Katie, and she gets a ton of praise, but I know her heart is for Jesus. Mine too.
How can I not? How can I not help someone, help themselves. How can I sit in my safe-pretty-little-Christian life and NOT be active in what Jesus is trying to do?
Yes, I feel like I am losing my life. that is a GOOD thing!
I spent my Fourth of July in a state of constant prayer for the "Still Sick and Suffering Addict." Imagining family difficulty, drama, cookouts with drugs and alcohol that addicts are trying to avoid, those without their children on the holiday...never before have I cared.
24 Then said Jesus unto his disciples, If any man would come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me.
25 For whosoever would save his life shall lose it: and whosoever shall lose his life for my sake shall find it.
26 For what shall a man be profited, if he shall gain the whole world, and forfeit his life? or what shall a man give in exchange for his life?
The Lord is opening my eyes to a whole new world. I am grateful! I like to think my prayers helped someone. If even only me.
Whatever? Whatever! Or like my teen say What (brief pause) everrrrr.
That word strikes me so ODD.
I am a huge Ozzy fan...not sure if we know each other will enough for me to call him that. Well, truth is, he's dead so he doesn't know me at all. Have you heard of OSWALD CHAMBERS?
I asked in a previous post and shared about Intercession for Redemption.
Today is along those line. Ozzy says:
Wow! Breathe for a second (at least I had to).
How would I define the greatest source of power in my life? my ATONEMENT in JESUS CHRIST!
With that processed:
Whatever? the love of my soul says: WHATEVER!
I am asking that the one I love realize her great redemption. That she desires to be a child of light. That she would want more of HIM! I pray that she experience HIS power in her life in a real tangible way. That she would allow the Word of God to be real to her! That in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ that she would be FREE! Free from _______, free from strongholds, free from abusive people, free INDEED! That the Lord in His mercy and wisdom would provide healing. That He would miraculously deliver this precious child of His, that she would never be the same.
In case the video becomes unavailable
Glory Of It All by David CrowderAt the start
He was there
He was there
In the end
He’ll be there
He’ll be there
And after all
Our hands have wrought
He forgives
Oh, the glory of it all
Is He came here
For the rescue of us all
That we may live
For the glory of it all
Oh, the glory of it all
All is lost
Find Him there
Find Him there
After night
Dawn is there
Dawn is there
And after all
Falls apart
He repairs
He repairs
Oh, He is here
With redemption from the fall
That we may live
For the glory of it all
Oh, the glory of it all
After night
Comes a light
Dawn is here
Dawn is here
It’s a new day, a new day
Oh, everything will change
Things will never be the same
We will never be the same
Oh, everything will change
Things will never be the same
We will never be the same
That word strikes me so ODD.
I am a huge Ozzy fan...not sure if we know each other will enough for me to call him that. Well, truth is, he's dead so he doesn't know me at all. Have you heard of OSWALD CHAMBERS?
I asked in a previous post and shared about Intercession for Redemption.
Today is along those line. Ozzy says:
Am I fulfilling this ministry of intercession deep within the hidden recesses of my life? There is no trap nor any danger at all of being deceived or of showing pride in true intercession. It is a hidden ministry that brings forth fruit through which the Father is glorified. Am I allowing my spiritual life to waste away, or am I focused, bringing everything to one central point— the atonement of my Lord? Is Jesus Christ more and more dominating every interest of my life? If the central point, or the most powerful influence, of my life is the atonement of the Lord, then every aspect of my life will bear fruit for Him.
Wow! Breathe for a second (at least I had to).
However, I must take the time to realize what this central point of power is. Am I willing to give one minute out of every hour to concentrate on it? “If you abide in Me . . . “— that is, if you continue to act, and think, and work from that central point— “you will ask what you desire, and it shall be done for you” (John 15:7). Am I abiding? Am I taking the time to abide? What is the greatest source of power in my life? Is it my work, service, and sacrifice for others, or is it my striving to work for God? It should be none of these— what ought to exert the greatest power in my life is the atonement of the Lord. It is not on what we spend the greatest amount of time that molds us the most, but whatever exerts the most power over us. We must make a determination to limit and concentrate our desires and interests on the atonement by the Cross of Christ.Am I abiding?
Definition of ABIDE
transitive verb
1: to wait for : await
3: to accept without objection abide your decision>
How would I define the greatest source of power in my life? my ATONEMENT in JESUS CHRIST!
With that processed:
“Whatever you ask in My name, that I will do . . . .” The disciple who abides in Jesus is the will of God, and what appears to be his free choices are actually God’s foreordained decrees. Is this mysterious? Does it appear to contradict sound logic or seem totally absurd? Yes, but what a glorious truth it is to a saint of God.
Whatever? the love of my soul says: WHATEVER!
I am asking that the one I love realize her great redemption. That she desires to be a child of light. That she would want more of HIM! I pray that she experience HIS power in her life in a real tangible way. That she would allow the Word of God to be real to her! That in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ that she would be FREE! Free from _______, free from strongholds, free from abusive people, free INDEED! That the Lord in His mercy and wisdom would provide healing. That He would miraculously deliver this precious child of His, that she would never be the same.
In case the video becomes unavailable
Glory Of It All by David CrowderAt the start
He was there
He was there
In the end
He’ll be there
He’ll be there
And after all
Our hands have wrought
He forgives
Oh, the glory of it all
Is He came here
For the rescue of us all
That we may live
For the glory of it all
Oh, the glory of it all
All is lost
Find Him there
Find Him there
After night
Dawn is there
Dawn is there
And after all
Falls apart
He repairs
He repairs
Oh, He is here
With redemption from the fall
That we may live
For the glory of it all
Oh, the glory of it all
After night
Comes a light
Dawn is here
Dawn is here
It’s a new day, a new day
Oh, everything will change
Things will never be the same
We will never be the same
Oh, everything will change
Things will never be the same
We will never be the same
I would say today is THE day...
However, isn't EVERYDAY "THE" Day?
The more I think about it...everyday is a choice for LIFE or DEATH!
Everyday is a choice for BLESSING or CURSES?
Everyday is a choice for HEALING or PAIN?
My BMGSFITWWW always says you have to walk yourself back out of the woods as far as you walked yourself in.
I believe that.
Although, I think we can take each step, one at a time, on our own; or we can WALK WITH GOD and He makes each one of our steps equal twenty of our own.
This is of course my own math, based on my life experience. I've tested it! That doesn't mean walking out will be easy, without pain, free from consequences.
However, isn't EVERYDAY "THE" Day?
The more I think about it...everyday is a choice for LIFE or DEATH!
Everyday is a choice for BLESSING or CURSES?
Everyday is a choice for HEALING or PAIN?
My BMGSFITWWW always says you have to walk yourself back out of the woods as far as you walked yourself in.
I believe that.
Although, I think we can take each step, one at a time, on our own; or we can WALK WITH GOD and He makes each one of our steps equal twenty of our own.
This is of course my own math, based on my life experience. I've tested it! That doesn't mean walking out will be easy, without pain, free from consequences.
He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.
Micah 6:8So, as I walk with my God...I will walk with a dear loved one helping her to see that she too can walk with her God. She can find rest for her soul.
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."
Matthew 11:28or the message version--which I LOVE!
Matthew 11:28 (The Message)
28-30"Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly."
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| Click image to go to the blog where it came from |
