Usually it is a reminder for me of the loss of my Mother.
This year I lost two more mothers I loved. You would think that would make me sadder. The more I think about it though, the beauty of their lives, drives me to live my life beautifully.
I have a thought about mother's: we need more than one. There are all kind of Mother's that have touched my life. All have their place, time, and lasting effect! I think I have also been working in the last years to acknowledge and appreciate the mother's in my life. Going to visit and speak the words of thanks. This has provided much healing.
So, walk with me through my world of Mother's. The words here will be few (maybe more than a few). Each Mother has a detailed story that has been written on my heart. I want to try to chronicle, at some point, the stories for my children; However, not this year. This is a synopsis...one with not enough time to really say the FULLNESS of what these ladies mean to me.
These are a few of the woman I consider to have MOTHERED me when I needed it.
MOTHER BY BIRTH
My mother.
She was a wise, wise woman. We always say "she should have gone on Jeopardy". She would always watch Wheel of Fortune & Jeopardy and kill at both. I am pretty sure she had some type of photographic memory. I am glad my daughter got some of those genes...but they skipped me.
I grew up at a boarding school where my mother worked. It was like "a rich kids alternative to jail". My mother was tough. She worked really hard. She worked a lot. I had a lot of "mother figures" which is the point of the post...however it wasn't ever because my mother wasn't adequate. She was amazing. She showed me love in her own special way. She sacrificed her life, for mine. She really showed me how to be a mother. She mothered SO MANY kids! She was a dorm mother. Most times as many as 25 boys...that she parented. 1000's of people on this planet were mothered by my mother at some point. That is crazy to think about! I am not really in touch with any of her "kids" anymore. I should look them up...maybe that will be my next project :)
We had a really interesting relationship. I am still trying to formulate it and make sense of some of it. Like why she didn't tell me HELL NO more often? Sorry if that was offensive, but when the question is "can I stay the night at my boyfriends house?" the answer should maybe even be harsher than that.
But I am sure she had her reasons that are probably the same reasons I don't tell my kids no often enough.
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| DeSisito's Prom 1985 (I think) |
I always say God has a plan. While I think I became a mother WAY TOO YOUNG...I am thankful that my mother got to love my children before she died.
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| Momo with her baby grands! 1994 |
The picture below is not how I remember my mother. However, it is my mother. Honestly, I spent a lot of my life ashamed of my mother's appearance. Shame on me! I want to erase what I just typed because I think it is so awful. But it is in the truth where you find freedom. I have come to see my mother as one of the most beautiful people I have ever known. She lived her life more for others than she did for herself. She gave herself away. I think in the end it was the fact that she could no longer return to work teaching learning-disabled students that did her in more than cancer.
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| My Mom...last school picture before she died. She has no hair because of Chemo. She has scars because of falls. She has two broken arms because the cancer had eaten through her bones. I think she is beautiful! |
I wrote a story about the death of my mother: HERE
Then there are those mothers that are in your life for a season. These woman have left a lasting effect on my life. When I look at how I will mother anything that comes within 5 feet of me, it reminds me of these women. They loved me. They gave me love. Though they didn't "raise" me...they were a mother to me.
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| Me, Bonni, Terry & Claire Courneya 2010 |
Mrs. Claire fed me. Let me be at their house way too much. She diagnosed my appendicitis. She took me to church. Taught me the Lord's prayer. Made homemade candy. Her marriage was the ONLY example in my childhood of one-man-one-woman-together-forever (and thinking right now--it is still one of the few). She showed me that family didn't have to look like a "normal" family. Everyone didn't have to be the same color. She taught me about adoption. I felt adopted.
I went to visit them a few years back and they were still living in the last home they lived in when I was a teen. One their wall was a "home" I had made in pottery class. It's something to know that of all the places I called home...theirs is where I felt the most "at home".
Mrs. Frances or Mimi was just in my life for a short time. She made a lasting impact. When we moved to South Carolina and I needed a Mother-she was it! She would call and we would chat. She always remembered my birthday (something I am TERRIBLE at). She just was LOVE to me.
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| Frances or Mimi 2010 |
MOTHER'S BY RELATION
Both of these mothers have become like my OWN mother. Not in-laws at all...but IN-LOVE!
Ruth is the mother of my daughter's biological father. We were never married. When my mother had to move away to find a job, Ruth took me and Brittny in. We are still in contact and I love her dearly. She helped me live in the in between. I was a teen mother...she helped me be a teen and helped me be a mother.
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| Brittny, Ruth, Stacey, and Me 1990 |
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| Me & Ruth 2010 |
Did I mention, she loves me. We have grown into each other. I can only imagine what she originally thought of me. I dare not type the adjectives I would use to describe myself. I am only thankful, God in His wisdom, changed me from who I was, to who I am. A lot of who God has changed me into has a direct connection to Aud. She is the iron I sharpen myself against. I compare myself to her in ways that are healthy and a few that are not :) I am thankful for her love for me. I am thankful for her example. Thankful most that God changed me and though I don't think He is through with me...I doubt we will get to baking ;)
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| Memama and Hunter 1994 |
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| Mother's Day 2008 |
I am very sad this year for my Mother-in-law. She has to experience her first Mother's Day without her mother this year. It's a pain I know all too well. It is a wretched feeling. You live through it...but you never get over it. I only hope she can figure out that this day is for her to be celebrated sooner than I did so she can enjoy.
GRANDMOTHERS
There is something special about grandmother's.
My Granny Fran loved me with a kind of love I have never been loved with since her passing. It's a love I hope that I pass on to my grandchildren.
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| My Granny Fran |
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| She loved me. |
There is a mother in my life that has brought many sorrows. She is integral to the human pain I have experienced. I love her. It is a self-less, God taught love, that is in the continual process of being learned. Not because this woman is unlovable, but because the "way" she came to be a part of my family was/is so painful in my human experience. She is the wife of my grandfather. She was known to me before my Grandmother's passing. She was in an adulterous relationship with my grandfather. I spent much of my life unnecessarily, blaming her for the loss of my grandmother. Grandma Pat.
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| Me, my mother, GRANDMA PAT, and Brittny 1992 |
Then there is GRANDMOMMA. Grandmomma: the woman who inspires me to this day. She makes me want to be a better person. Her love for others and the Word of God is something I aspire to have.
This is the first Mother's Day in a long, long while that we won't be headed to Green Cove Springs for some catfish with Grandmomma. It makes me sad.
However, we need to make new memories. Memories my Grandchildren can have with their Memama! It's sort of a new beginning.
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| Grandmomma, Audrey, Me & Brittny Mother's Day 2010 (I think) |
Looking over this post I realize I have a rich, beautiful life. This doesn't even begin to touch to other women, Aunt's, teachers, and friends who helped me grow either. Not to mention...my own children by birth and adoption!
I think I just got the WHOLE point of Mother's Day! Usually I would mock and say "this is a holiday Hallmark made up to sell cards"! Well in proofreading this post I realized why I need to celebrate Mother's Day:
the beauty of their lives, drives me to live my life beautifully!
