I waited patiently for the LORD;
And He inclined to me and heard my cry.
He brought me up out of the pit of destruction, out of the miry clay, And He set my feet upon a rock making my footsteps firm.
He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God; Many will see and fear And will trust in the LORD.
Watch that and you will think this is a kitchen must have!
Hubby didn't even see the infomercial, just saw the box and had to have it!
So, I decided to try to make them last night.
About 1/2 way into the nightmare I WISH I had another person to come video the catastrophe!
First you open the box and find a little piece of paper informing you that BEFORE EACH USE you need to oil the inside of each EGGIE, and that you cannot spray them you have to spray a paper towel and wipe them down.
Irritated with that little fact! I do it!
Then I start to assemble the little buggers...guess what...with greasy hands this is NO easy task!
They don't go together easily AT ALL! So there you are with greasy finger handling little plastic eggs
that are hard to assemble, thinking and THIS is easier than peeling?
Then, I at least had the bright idea to put the EGGIE in a bowl before I crack the egg. Phew! Good thing! Pouring the egg into the little contraption is harder than you think. I used Extra Large eggs, and sometimes the yoke would clog the hole, and white would overflow. Then I had egg guts on me and in the bowl and on the EGGIE thinking oh wow! Salmonella HERE WE COME!
I get the buggers into the pot start it to boiling and a family member calls. I walk away from the kitchen and "hear" something and run in to find this:
BOILING ALL OVER!
I skimmed the disgusting foam, apparently egg leaked out...eww!
Sent the pic to hubby saying "pretty sure THIS isn't supposed to happen"
They cook.
This is what came out
I let them cool.
They came out easy for me...but I was left with this to clean!
They came out easy and this was the end result. Not pretty in my opinion.
Ugh...YEAH I think I will stick to dealing with the nightmare of peeling as opposed to the nightmare of 6 pitiful, ugly shaped, ____ eggs here.
In looking for the commercial I found other reviews! WISH I had watched these before forking over $10!
Enjoy!
This one is long, but informative.
WOW! Nightmare!
If you are my friend, be on the lookout because I will be REGIFTING this little item at a Christmas Party for someone else to experience the torture! Who knows maybe they will love the convenience of 15 minute prep and 10 minute clean up for 6 eggs!
Praise God for musicians that can wrap you in a song that carries you at TIMES.
Recently my son volunteered at a concert for Third Day, Tenth Avenue North, and Trevor Morgan at the Make Your Move Tour.
I am grateful for the impression that Tenth Avenue North made on my son. He has spent hours watching videos and listening to songs and filling himself up with all kinds of God stuff thanks to those men!
Sometimes BEHIND the song...means as much to me as the song itself.
Here is the song for you listening pleasure:
I felt like I needed to THANK Tenth Avenue North for the impact they have had on my son!
here is a peek at what I said :
Thank you. 2 words but they don't sound as powerful as I really, truly feel in my heart.
My son is an awesome young man that has been struggling with his faith. Not with "faith" but with living out his faith in a way that matters.
He came home from your concert and a few things that I'd like to share to encourage you:
*After coming home from the event, he was going to watch a show that he would normally watch and said to himself "I don't want to put that garbage in me after having such a Holy night" of course when he told me this I played it off low key...no big deal...but i am literally FLIPPING out.
*He cried. Oh, he may act like it wasn't a deal. You were teenage guys once so you know it's a big deal. But he came in the next day and said "Mom, you need to listen to this song I heard last night, it will make you cry" then he had to leave the room because he was getting teared up just thinking about it. It was "You are More" and for the record I didn't cry...but I am now :)
*He has spent hours watching videos that you guys post on Youtube...thank you! Thank you for preaching, being funny, being honest and real. Oh I might normally complain about my son being on the computer for hours watching youtube...but he has watched nothing but your channel. Soaking in every thing...and thank you that there is so much JESUS there as well!
*He's practicing your songs. I love to listen to him learn. This is a blog I wrote before your concert...
http://redeemedbeautifulmess.blogspot.com/2011/05/lessons-from-listening.html
Yeah, he would die if he read this. I don't care. I know that we often don't get to know the ways our lives touch others. I want to encourage you to keep posting lest my son run out of good things to watch ;)
There is more I could say...but I will leave it at this for now.
A season of things left undone. Too many things UNDONE!
A season that will end and be birthed into the BEAUTY of Spring and NEW LIFE!
Last Thursday...this made me WEEP!
Psalm 6 (New Living Translation)
For the choir director: A psalm of David, to be accompanied by an eight-stringed instrument.
1 O Lord, don’t rebuke me in your anger
or discipline me in your rage. 2 Have compassion on me, Lord, for I am weak.
Heal me, Lord, for my bones are in agony. 3 I am sick at heart.
How long, O Lord, until you restore me?4 Return, O Lord, and rescue me.
Save me because of your unfailing love. 5 For the dead do not remember you.
Who can praise you from the grave? 6 I am worn out from sobbing.
All night I flood my bed with weeping,
drenching it with my tears. 7 My vision is blurred by grief;
my eyes are worn out because of all my enemies. 8 Go away, all you who do evil,
for the Lord has heard my weeping. 9 The Lord has heard my plea;
the Lord will answer my prayer. 10 May all my enemies be disgraced and terrified.
May they suddenly turn back in shame.
I love that scripture meets me where I am. That someone, a sinner like me, can so completely sum up how I feel.
Scripture is that healing ointment I spread over the hurting places.
We are about to the most difficult season of our life. Ever. ...and that is saying a LOT! I am expecting miracles. I am expecting tears. I am expecting to want to quit! Turn back! Run...I was contemplating escape yesterday.
...And so I ask you, if you love us, to PRAY! God knows.
Here is a song that I was talking about this week at Zero Hour, our youth program at church. It's a beautiful, tough, song. Enjoy!
Ross King "Clear the Stage"
Lyrics are in the video...but in case you aren't sure you want to take the time to watch....here's a TASTE:
"Take a break from all the plans that you made
And sit at home alone and wait for God to whisper.
Beg Him please to open up his mouth and speak
And pray for real upon your knees until they blister.
Shine the light on every corner of your life
Until the pride and lust and lies are in the open.
Then read the word and put to test the things you've heard
Until your heart and soul are stirred and rocked and broken."
Just me, my son, a packed car (you would have thought we were leaving for a month), and a can of M*nster
Well, we're back.
Safe & sound!
Praising God for a beautiful, spectacular trip!
I have about a billion pictures (but I'll spare you-for now)
I wanted to share a song with you.
Music means a lot. It marks places and times.
I will never forget:
Riding down I-10,
Windows down,
Music blaring,
Praising God with my son,
and both of us singing at the top of our lungs a favorite from a few years ago.
This is redemption, this salvation
This is our mission, and this is our passion
Sort, of sums up our trip. My next few posts will share the details from our trip. Visiting people, sharing our mission, expressing our passion, soaking up all life has for us. Hearing life stories, sharing life experiences, living life with "others"!
Enjoy the song...until next time!
Band: Dizmas
Song: Redemption, Passion, Glory
Lyrics from: HERE
This is redemption,
that you would die for me
And this is salvation,
that you would live in me
That you would live in me
This is redemption, this salvation
This is our mission, and this is our passion
What love is this
That you would die for me?
(Let's start this over)
What love is this?
This is redemption,
that you would die for me
And this is salvation,
that you would live in me
That you would live in me
This is rejection,
that they would all hate me
And this is submission
that I would live holy
That I would live holy
What love is this
That you would die for me?
(Let's start this over)
Let's start this over and we'll see
Just where this love will take us
Your presence shows us grace
Right here in our own meditation
What love is this?
One of my best friends just shared this on facebook and it wrecked me.
Beautiful! The song is amazing, the drama is POWERFUL! ...especially the end (Well, it is a bit cheesy when the Lord dances with the girl, but it still makes me smile).
Thanking God HE is EVERYTHING! and has defeated everything that tries to take my life!
Enjoy!
Lifehouse
Everything lyrics
Find Me Here
Speak To Me
I want to feel you
I need to hear you
You are the light
That's leading me
To the place where I find peace again.
You are the strength, that keeps me walking.
You are the hope, that keeps me trusting.
You are the light to my soul.
You are my purpose...you're everything.
How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
You calm the storms, and you give me rest.
You hold me in your hands, you won't let me fall.
You steal my heart, and you take my breath away.
Would you take me in? Take me deeper now?
How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
Cause you're all I want, You're all I need
You're everything,everything
You're all I want your all I need
You're everything, everything.
You're all I want you're all I need.
You're everything, everything
You're all I want you're all I need, you're everything, everything.
And How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
"But blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in him.
He will be like a tree planted by the water
that sends out its roots by the stream.
It does not fear when heat comes;
its leaves are always green.
It has no worries in a year of drought
and never fails to bear fruit." Jeremiah 17:7-8
*****ADDITION***** I just read this article about a 7 years old in NJ that was sold for sex by her sister. I know I am new to this: I was thinking this only happened in other countries. SO sad!!!!! http://www.breitbart.com/article.php?id=D9EPUI781&show_article=1
I hope I am not the only one who sees it. I hope that I am not the only one who is inspired by this child.
Each week she dances and blesses my heart.
This week I got to witness more of her leading example. Our worship team was practicing before service and she decided she needed a microphone. I obliged.
and she blessed...
now the video editing is amateur, the sound is not so good... but what is GREAT is Emma!
My favorite is toward the end where she lifts her hands:
Psalm 63:3-5 (New International Version)
Because your love is better than life,
my lips will glorify you.
I will praise you as long as I live,
and in your name I will lift up my hands.
My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods;
with singing lips my mouth will praise you.
Faithful fellow blog readers (and visitors) let me introduce you to one of my great friends Jennifer. She is unusual (in my blog world) because she is a real-life-actual-friend-as-in-I-can-stop-by-her-house-anytime-but-don't-often-enough! {wink}wink} She has finally recently started blogging. She is hilarious. Serious. Crafty. ...and just a beautiful person. More importantly she lives for Jesus. Her testimony and faith walk has been amazing. God took her life in a way no one ever expects... He took her son. I am thankful you get to hear the story of God's goodness. It has been a powerful story to witness firsthand...
Excerpt from Ransom's Story Part 1
Today we went for an ultrasound to find out the sex of our baby. Instead, we learned that our baby’s heart had stopped beating and that our baby is with Jesus. Obviously, we are grieving and devastated by this loss. However, we desperately want to praise our Lord in this storm and thank Him for the brief life He entrusted to us. Because our child is too old to miscarry, we will soon choose a day to induce labor and deliver our baby. We have not decided how we want this day to take place, so please pray for wisdom and guidance.
I wanted to spotlight her because you never know WHAT IF...
Jennifer shared this video through face book... and it made me think WHAT IF...
Watch the next two videos and tell me what you think... then I'll tell you what I thought...
WHAT IF...
Then after watching that video... it suggested the next video which reminded me of Dana's {from Chaos to Grace} @ last post; so, I thought she would appreciate it.
God Grew Tired of Us: The Story of Lost Boys of Sudan
Well, then in WAITING ON THE LORD post I sum it up to say how the movie has effected my son:
I was so encouraged by my son; he said "You need to buy that movie, no for real, buy two and I want to send one to our President." So, that is what I am going to let my, homeschooled, 15 year old, do. I figure "hey, if you think the president needs to know, how about all your friends too" I think we will host a movie night in honor of the Lost Boys of Sudan.
Well, Sunday night we had a MOVIE NIGHT. Yep! Hunter invited his friends from church over and we had 27 people over to watch the movie. We borrowed a popcorn machine from some good friends of our and had a grand old time! We crammed into every free space in my living room and WATCHED, yes teenagers and children (some adults too) WATCHED the film! No cartoons, no fun stuff... a documentary!
We couldn't even fit everyone in the frame:
My favorite quote of the night came from, my favorite 7 year old on the planet, Levi. When his dad asked him about the movie he had been watching he said:
"well actually I loved it it! It was happy, a little sad and funny, and it just changed my life!"
Priceless! He borrowed the movie and by the next afternoon had watched it again. Yep, that sums it up!
Well, I feel like I am beating a dead horse (not that I ever would eww...) BUT I highly recommend taking the time to see God Grew Tired of Us.
Well, this post has been in the works for weeks. Still it is a bunch of links no real "guts" just pieces of stuff that I want to share.
Until today...
I know I must be a bit behind the times, but I just saw the most amazing movie from 2006:
God Grew Tired of Us: The Story of Lost Boys of Sudan
I am a sucker for a true story! Sucker for REAL! This pushed all the right buttons. How does it tie into Christmas? Well...
It is not a movie about Christmas at all. In it, however, is some of the most profound dialog from a Christian, from Africa, that just has me thinking.
John, one of the Lost Boys, has at this point in the film been seperated from his family for over 15 years, walked 1,000's of miles, observed the unimaginable, was responsible for burying the dead children in his group he had charge over (1,200), and now he is in AMERICA, for two, count them TWO months and he expresses this:
The scene (Chapter 15 Keeping Culture) openes to the group living in New York. They are eating with their hands and John is explaining the importance of keeping his African culture... he states
"you know... a person without culture is like a human being without land."
The scene advances to a Christmas movie, another Sudanese man is mouthing the words to the movie,;now remember 2 months ago he had NEVER used electricity; now he is mouthing every word to a movie (so, American :), then John asks the camera:
"Would you mind to explain a bit what is Santa mean? and why do you set up this, umm... a Christmas Tree? yes, a bit beautiful, but what is the meaning?
That's all we are asking, to any American to tell us, what's the meaning of this?
Is it in the Bible?
Is Santa in the Bible? I've never.
and how does it connected to the birth of Jesus Christ?
I think many of us have many questions to ask, but I think we have few, few people to answer them."
I have still not finished processing this... I am wrecked and thinking what would I say?
Regardless I am stuck with an OVERWHELMING need to do MORE this year. More for others and less for me.
As I stated I have been putting together links for a week or so now and I am going to leave you with them to do as you wish...
I am too heartbroken right now for those who I don't even know their story. I told my son, if we just bumped into this man on the street we would have no idea what his eyes have seen. Well, I can tell you this, watching the movie you will see men that did not forget where they came from. Did not come live a big life and forget those left behind... amazingly inspiring!
We must never forget as CHRISTIANS, if you call yourself one, what we have been saved from! I don't mean hell, a future fate for many, but I mean being born here, in America, with MUCH! For what, for our own muchness? I think not!
In the Special Features section I had to write this down so that it can marinate in me for days. I share it with you that it may bless you in the same way.
Panther, a young Lost Boy of Sudan, is reflecting...
"You are six years old, live by yourself, looking for your own food...that's hard, that's difficult! but here...you can see your mother anytime, whether you are grown up or young, you want to go to your mother, you go... We don't have anything but we are still pushing on with life... but here, everything is here and you still complaining, that is why I said you people take this blessing for granted."
Here are the links left to share...
I deleted most of the others, because honestly who cares about a handmade potholder when people are dying and ...
A Song to hear!
Found this at a best friends blog that is private
Lyrics:
I have unanswered prayers
I have trouble I wish wasn't there
And I have asked a thousand ways
That You would take my pain away
That You would take my pain away
I am trying to understand
How to walk this weary land
Make straight the paths that crookedly lie
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine
When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave Your hands
When You walked upon the Earth
You healed the broken, lost, and hurt
I know You hate to see me cry
One day You will set all things right
Yea, one day You will set all things right
When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave Your hands
Your hands
Your hands that shape the world
Are holding me, they hold me still
Your hands that shape the world
Are holding me, they hold me still
When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave You when...
When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave...
I never leave Your hands
So, do you know what the #1 Killer of Women is? Heart Disease!
Earlier this month I saw that the NFL was going "pink" for Breast Cancer Awareness Month on tv and I thought aloud "Pink... they should have chosen heart disease to cover since it is the #1 killer of women and the color is red, which would look better than that ugly pink" ...skip 1 beat, look at my husband as I say aloud what he is thinking"Well... guys do care more about breasts than hearts!" We laughed together! A funny moment for a not-so-funny topic.
Today is the 1 year anniversary of my STROKE or as my first-born called it my "stroke-a-versary". I know October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month but it will forever be JEN SURVIVED A STROKE MONTH in my household.
Forever! I will have to remember that on the eve of my stroke I sat disillusioned with my life. I was on the couch, alone, reflecting on my life. Miserable. Contemplating being done. Upset with God that I could even think such a thing. My first journal entry from that morning 10/27/2008 said:
"Lord, I am completely overwhelmed I cannot even write right now."
Then 10 hours later I sat on the couch and wrote:
"Lord thank you for time alone. I don't know what you want to do in this time. God I am feeling myself slip. I am distancing, avoiding, hardening-I feel such anger, sadness, fear that I have a hard time breathing. I wanted to take this time and let you search me. I am afraid to deal. I really don't know where to start."
Then the list began... words on a page...too many to list... some too shameful to share
my marriage
our finances
children
depression
anxiety
weight
the company
paperwork... ... ...
Three columns! a long list of real, imagined, past, present and future junk!
Here is the HEART:
"God I truly want to flee right now. It is not rational. I love my husband, my kids, my life. Why do I want to leave? I think things appear too big, too hard, too complex-and honestly I don't want to let you work on a lot of it. But I do. Why did You create me like this? Ugh!"
The next time I would return to that journal would be post stroke, post hospital stay, post realizing I had a brush with death. I could not even face what I wrote on the eve of my stroke for weeks. I knew. I knew that I had wanted to die but GOD had allowed me to live.
As my husband tried to wake me that Tuesday morning 1 year ago, I was difficult to understand. Trying to figure out the best way for you to understand is difficult. The best I can explain it is: as I spoke- in my head I sounded "normal" but my ears hearing my voice knew that what I was hearing didn't sound like what I said. Then after the second time of me grumbling and not wanting to get up, I sat up, my hubby looked at my face. Now it is funny now... but terror was what I saw. I laughed in my head thinking "what is the matter with him, he is freaking out, I mean come on, what is so bad, I just don't want to get up" Not having ANY idea that my face is crooked, my eyes are wandering and dropping and I look like a freak (to put it nicely). He leaves the room to (unknown to me at the time) wake my 19 yr old daughter saying "get up I think your mom just had a stroke." Nice to be waken to I am sure. Not.
Trent decides to try to get me up and I don't know what he thought he was going to do with me... but I am insistent that I have to take a shower. Now all the while- to me--I AM NORMAL. Trent is freaking! I think it is funny. He tells me my face is drooping, I know my speech is odd-I determine I have Bell's Palsy frustrated that I will have a temporary drooping face; I know it is temporary; I guess I'll go to the doctor, after my shower of course! (I am still in bed at this point) Then I get up to walk--I couldn't. I began to drift and could not walk straight. My husband is in front of me (still freaking-I still think it is funny-past and present) trying to steady me. Did I mention my vision was "off" I wear glasses, but this was worse. Very blurry, had to close one eye to see half-straight. Then there was confusion. Now, in my right mind, I would KNOW I didn't have Bells' Palsy-I was having a STROKE! At the time, I had NO IDEA! NO IDEA!
As I stood, wobbly, swaying in the shower I nearly had a heart-attack (ha) as I opened my eyes after rinsing my hair because I felt someone staring at me (you know the feeling) and AHHH! There is Trent's face in the glass door and he yells "you better hold on to something you are going to fall" all serious looking. Again, amusing to me at the time. This man I love, absolutely freaking out, while I am amused. Thank God I was confused or I TOO would have been freaking. Trent helps me dress, does something with my hair and we are off to the doctor. Trent, Brit and I, we left Hunter asleep with a note saying "taking mom to the doctor" as we didn't want to worry him. (BTW-we should have called 911 or went straight to the ER! That's hindsight.)
So, we went to the doctor and she looked at me and said it is definitely not Bell's palsy and you need to go to the hospital. For the first time it hit's me. I began to cry. Mostly because it was serious and we were having to go to the hospital and we do not have insurance. (Here is where I could tell you a whole lot more about health care and being uninsured but this long post is getting longer so I'll spare you-for know-I will say this GOD DOES MIRACLES)
We leave for the hospital. Upon arriving my daughter and I are amused at the "Sign's of Stroke" sign that I conveniently had EVERY symptom of so nicely posted at the sign-in desk. We wait. Brit takes me to the bathroom, I am already improving a bit. Then I see in the mirror for the first time with more consciousness what I look like! The horror! Not my face---what has my husband dressed me in?! No make-up, my hair! My daughter pulls out what cosmetics she has in her purse and we doctor my face up a bit. More waiting and then they call me back to triage. Then someone comes to transport and the triage nurse points and says "she is going to ICU" and points in my direction and then I, literally, looked over my shoulder to see who they were pointing at and there was no one there-they were pointing at ME! Me=Intensive Care Unit. What? It was becoming surreal. 35 years old and going to the ICU.
I was in the ICU for the day and then that night they admitted me. Kept me for test after test after test. I can tell you the horrors of imagining the bill every time anyone handed me anything or did anything to me. No one had yet to tell me "You had a stroke". The doctor (neurologist) actually suspected that since I was so young, and have frequent headaches, that I might have had a seizure. Then later the next day (early day 3-how crazy is that medical care? sarcasm intended), after my MRI, he returned to correct himself, apologize, admit his surprise and say I had indeed had a stroke.
While in the hospital word spread and visitors and calls ensued. It was a neat blessing to see who is there when LIFE happens and you need them. I was so grateful for my sister-friends that never leave me or forsake me in the way of Christ whom we share. It was humbling to be "hospitalized" yet feel so normal. Hard to sit there smiling you are alive; but know that you thought about ending it; but you were alive and loved and cared for.
I am realizing that I forgot to explain that by the next morning (Day 2) I was pretty much back to normal. So, I was in the hospital and they were figuring out what was "wrong" with me and I just wanted to go home. Well, I did in fact have a stroke so they needed to know why. I was healthy-newly! Thanks to Weight Watchers I had lost 40+ pounds and was exercising. My blood work was good. More tests! Come to discover I had a hole {patent foramen ovale} in my heart. Go figure! So, I take baby aspirin. Make sure to walk around every few hours to not get a blood clot. And get to blame every forgotten mixed up word on "stroke brain". They sent me home Oct. 31.
As I recovered I admittedly suffered from depression, nothing new for me, but it was different from my regular old depression/anxiety. I knew that this experience was "for a purpose" but I was stuck in my pity party. For a few months I HAD to take a nap (that in itself was depressing-I know you mothers that NEED naps don't agree :) Mostly, I lived in fear of another stroke. I was living in the present like there was no future.
Thankfully God had gone before me and prepared me ahead of time for this. In so many more ways than I have time to mention here. But I will share with you one of the main events God used to shake up my pity party and I recommend it for others you know that are struggling with their life post-stroke (or otherwise). See, I used to work with individuals with disabilities before God called me to stay-at- home. So, much had been prepared in my mind about living with a disability. I had also read a book that was written by a man who had a stroke "The Diving Bell and the Butterfly: A Memoir of Life in Death" The book was written entirely by him blinking one eye.
Well, the book was made into a movie. Then one day when God had had just about enough of my pity party HE let me see it; and that did it. (I am posting the Trailer at the end of this blog if you want a peek.)
I spent my time, on the couch, watching the movie by myself. Weeping! and weeping! and got off the couch a new woman! Praise God!
I was meant to live for so much more! I could still talk, walk, move! Dance! Shout! Yes, one day I may have another stroke; so, while I can live, LIVE! I could also get hit by a bus. For goodness sake live your life while you can! Whether I do or don't have another stroke is not the point at all. The point is life has a purpose and you have to live it to figure that out. As hard as that may seem at times...
Presently, I sit here feeling like I am still stuck. But the HEART of the issue is coming to the surface.
"Have you ever wanted something so bad that you would do almost anything to get it? Have you ever gotten so close to fulfilling a dream only to have it disappear right before your eyes?"
Well, truly I know that much of my struggling is that I am not living out what I feel that I am created to do. My husband and I presently don't see eye-to-eye (update*though through a conversation last night we may be more eye-to-eye than I thought :). It is not something I have talked about much on my blog as it is truly very painful. I desire to be a mother again. and again. and again. For that to happen would require my husbands heart to change and a lot of money. My focus today is on the HEART and that is the heart of it. I want to be a mommy, again. I feel like it will never happen. Ultimately though, God's will will be done as I follow my husband. Obedience trumps worse case scenario... a theme I have heard a lot this week. ( Here and Here ) Whatever the scenario! amen
.
As I reflect now I think "Wow! To see then and now. To have a record of your life "pre" and "post" is pretty interesting. Are the things on my list of little concern to me now? NO! Still the same worries, fears, struggles, exact same. Some new things to add in fact! "What is different then?" you ask. Everything! I'M still ALIVE! I am fully functional. I am still a bit stuck but that is going to work itself out as I follow God. Each year on my stroke-a-versary I will have the opportunity to write about what God has done. It will never again be like the journal entry a year ago.
Nothing is different and everything is different. I sit here this morning with more hope than I have had in quite some time. To quote *Tom Davis in Red Letters: Living a Faith That Bleeds:
"Transformation did occur when I would hear the words of Jesus and obey them, no matter how I felt. The more I obeyed, the more I was transformed. I was becoming a different person because I was living my self into it. I was becoming the words I saw on the page. The words Jesus himself spoke." *page27
That is my hope! Becoming the words! Trusting His ways when they aren't my way. Being present. And like a piece of the sweet prayer my husband prayed over me this morning : "Let Your voice, Lord, be the only voice she hears!" It a matter of HEART! and mine is being transformed!
So, do you know what the #1 Killer of Women is? Heart Disease!
I guess you can look at that very biblically and recognize that we are all heart diseased. Praise God we have a Father that sent His son so that we can have everlasting life.
Here is some important information about stroke to educate yourself:
I was SHOCKED as I was researching things to add to this post for you all that TOMORROW is WORLD STROKE DAY ! Really? Really, Lord! The day after my anniversary-world stroke day. You amaze me Lord~ your timing is perfect!
Breast checks are important but so is the HEART!
Update 2012 ***10/27 which would be the eve of my stroke and significant for me because it's when I wrote my journal entry. I am sitting here preparing for the rivalry Florida Georgia Game today. Our family is gathering. My son-in-love is smoking meat and all of my family will be there. Extended in-laws and friends as well. I can't help thinking how RICH my life is. I have a brand new precious grand-daughter. We are foster parents to a 3 year old blessing. We are second-grandparents to 2 precious joys with another on the way. Our son is growing into a man. Our lives are blessed! I have since had another stroke that did leave me with some health problems that I have battled. I am fighting the "thorn in my flesh" , of depression with suicidal ideation, with medication and the WORD OF GOD! It has not been an easy journey. It is a journey, though, that I thank God every day that I get to make!
Update 2014 I am sharing this and realizing some more information may be wanted. I have "labels" on the side of the blog if you want to explore topics. However-shortcut to two important ones.
Today in my "In Everything Give Thanks" I posted a few things I am going to expound on here.
Top Right Corner of the Blog
Today is only day three and I am amazed at how long my list is and how it could grow and grow as I am increasing in my thankfulness by merely changing my perspective. It great! If you want to join in-tell Steffany
It is deep and has LOTS 'o stuff on it: Adoption, Christianity, world events, videos...more You could get lost in all the links and articles-fair warning!
but this 'caught my son's eye... and low and behold we have spent our morning immersing ourselves in
POMPLAMOOSE the link will take you to their youtube channel that has many more songs
Just a relaxed vibe of indie rock that soothes the soul! Enjoy!
I LOVE when she says "don't make me sing this part of the song the lyrics are so bad so we're going to skip ahead to the single ladies part instead" Priceless!
and just in case you have not seen this little guy dancing--AMAZING! I love when he shakes his hand and head (:37), and the legs kicking (throughout) kills me! Enjoy!
This mom @ Building the Blocks blesses my heart and posted an amazing post about what God is doing in her heart after eating rice & beans for 28 days to save money on their families grocery bill to help donate to other people adoptions fund.
I already posted this but to link it one more time--If you haven't read One Roof Africa now is as good a time as ever. The Lord is up to something in Uganda.
That's just a few to get you started. Now what are we going to do?
Sara Groves "Saw What I Saw"
I saw what I saw and I can't forget it
I heard what I heard and I can't go back
I know what I know and I can't deny it
Something on the road
Cut me to the soul
Your pain has changed me
Your dream inspires
Your face a memory
Your hope a fire
Your courage asks me what I'm afraid of
And what I know of love
We've done what we've done and we can't erase it
We are what we are and it's more than enough
We have what we have but it's no substitution
Your pain has changed me
Your dream inspires
Your face a memory
Your hope a fire
Your courage asks me what I'm made of
And what I know of love
Something on the road
Cut me to the soul
I say what I say with no hesitation
I have what I have and I'm giving it up
I do what I do with deep conviction
Something on the road, cut me to the soul
Your pain has changed me
Ooohhh...
Your dreams inspire
Ooohhh...
Your face a memory
Ooohhh...
Your hope a fire
Ooohhh...
Your pain has changed me
Your dream inspires
Your face a memory
Your hope a fire
Your courage asks me what I am afraid of
Your courage asks me what I am made of
Your courage asks me what I am afraid of
And what I know of God,
And what I know of God.
From their site:
We believe that hope is viral. This is a place where you are invited to watch real stories and be encouraged, to share your thoughts, and to post your own tale of God's goodness to you.
In September 2009, the band 1000 Generations released a video for their song "Fail Us Not" (from the album "Turn Off the Lesser Lights"). Both the song and video are born from honest stories of God's redeeming work in real people. Hear from these individuals and share in the power of storytelling.
You are invited to make your story known here. Submit a video telling others what God is bringing you through. Don't worry about video quality. Just tell your story and keep it to 60 seconds.
To upload your own video, click here: sendthisfile.com/f.jsp?id=QYilWrIkQT5yvUriWvwWYjd3. Once your video is approved, it will be immediately posted to encourage others. Check back often to see more videos!
Hope is viral. Get infected here and spread it around.
I have listened to this video no less than 5 times... resounding
"Experiencing Christ as such a treasure that everything else in his life is as nothing by comparison..."
"...given that it will be plain to the world that they are not your treasure..."
"Christ is!"
As I am participating in ifast58 I am praying for so many things. Widows, orphans, organizations that serve them, families waiting to adopt, foster children, Orphan Sunday, churches, so much more... There is a corporate time that we conference call to pray together; it is amazing. "Standing shoulder to shoulder though we are hundreds of miles apart...at the throne of grace (just a few quotes from Brandi)" It is an honor! a privilege to go before our King and plead on behalf of those in need.
and then there's me.
I am taking this time and dedicating it to the Lord, but it brings to light so much in my life! Those looking from the outside would believe many other things are my treasure before they knew Christ was my treasure.
I do not count too much as loss. I mean it IS. But I do not live my life so that it is EVIDENT that these things are not my treasure.
My son and I were studying "how important is the Bible to us". My son answered proudly with much confidence "The Bible is VERY important to him." As I sat there, I was quiet. Knowing he had given a "correct" response. He asked "what is it?" Now, I will say I went on a holy tirade (not in a mean way at all) just a moment of truth in his life and mine. I told him that I could probably hide his bible and he wouldn't discover it was missing until we were leaving for church and even at that he would brush off it's loss and dismiss it and know that it'll turn up. He was not happy about my examination and was quick to state it was not true. But we both know it was true. about us both.
12 I have not departed from the commandment of His lips;
I have treasured the words of His mouth
More than my necessary food. (Job 23:12, New King James Version)
Now! If I hid all the cereal in the cabinet and there were no Apple Jacks, Reeses' Puffs, or generic equivalent of some good sugary cereal we WOULD have a problem! That 15 year old would come unglued! Or if a TV network replaced my wonderful Law & Order time slot with the Jay Leno Show EVERY NIGHT at 10--oh yeah that HAS happened and I am not happy about it and have complained about it more than I have PRAISED GOD audibly. Sad!
I went on to share with him about times in my life where God's word was so necessary and how IT had gotten me through. Watching his eyes I knew-he-who lives with me-did not KNOW these truth's about me. I'm not intending to give the impression that my son does not know he has a holy-roller for a mom---but the more than "necessary food" aspect and to enlighten him about MIRACLES in the past that God did in our lives when he was too young to "get it". I saw a hint of desire in him. A desire the know God more intimately. It is a beautiful thing.
So, on ifast day, I am praying for others but for myself as well. Examining my treasure!
I am a follower of Jesus Christ, who changed my life; and continues daily in this process.
I love my husband and am grateful to have a life partner to journey with.
I am honored to mother 2 beautiful children and delighted He gave me 2 more teenagers to mentor, who became as a daughter and son. I now relative-foster a sweet boy who is showing us joy in new ways. We have A LOT of baby grands! We are blessed.
As I journey I am figuring out ministry, mission and life. It is never a boring path; and ever-changing for sure! The comforting thing for me is "He knows the way that I take; When He has tested me, I shall come forth as gold.(Job 23:10)" All because of HIM!!
